Beggar spends RM40 in daily taxi fare to beg

It costs RM40 to travel by taxi from Kuala Nerang, Kedah, to this capital of Perlis.

A visually handicapped man was prepared to part with that sum daily to come here — all for the sake of begging in the streets.

The 36-year-old beggar was one of seven rounded up under the “Ops Selamat" operation here last night.

Perlis Social Welfare Department director Abdullah Ali told Bernama today the beggar was picked up while begging at the Titi Chai night market in Utan Aji near here.

Investigations revealed that the beggar had been receiving aid from the department but the assistance was terminated when it was found that he was involving in begging.
Abdullah said the detained beggars were handed over to their guardians while family members found to be living on the alms of beggars were given counselling, and beggars with no family or accommodation were given temporary shelter at Rumah Sri Kenangan, Jejawi, near here.

Source: The New Straits Times

Grocery shop owner brushes off claims of sorcery

KEMAMAN: The owner of a house in which a starving burglar claimed he was trapped has brushed off any claims of sorcery.

Grocery shop owner Che Ibrahim Che Abdullah instead believes it was punishment from the Almighty for the burglar who claimed he was mysteriously trapped in the shop for three days.

The 57-year-old Che Ibrahim said he was a constant victim of burglaries whenever he and his wife returned to their village in Selising, Kelantan.

“This time, I asked for divine intervention as I could no longer tolerate it,” he said when met here.

He said he had recited some prayers before leaving for Kelantan with his 52-year-old wife to celebrate Hari Raya Aidiladha.

Last Friday, Che Ibrahim returned to his shop and found the 36-year-old man lying in a room, starving and dehydrated.

The man, who begged for forgiveness, claimed he had broken into the house-turned-grocery shop three days earlier.

Upon entering the shop, the man claimed he was immediately blinded and the place felt like a cave.

“Each time I wanted to flee, I felt a ‘supernatural figure’ shoving me to the ground,” he told police during interrogation later.

He added he had no choice but to stay put in the room for three days as his shouts for help were in vain.

Meanwhile, Kemaman Deputy police chief Supt Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar said the burglar had been warded at the Kemaman Hospital for the last four days.

It is learnt that the burglar was still traumatised after the incident.

Source: The Star Online

Burglar who picked the ‘wrong’ house

KEMANAN: A burglar entered a house-turned-grocery shop, thinking he was in for a killing. He nearly got himself killed instead.

The owner, who was away to celebrate Hari Raya Haji returned home yesterday morning to find the burglar trapped in the house for 72 hours without food and water.

The intruder was fatigued and dehydrated when the owner and his wife returned to the shop in Kampung Binjai from their hometown in Kota Baru.

The couple, in their early 50s, found the burglar lying in a room, clasping his hands in an apologetic gesture for his wrongdoing.

The owner, instead of calling the police, decided to call an ambulance to rush the burglar to the nearest hospital.

When interrogated later, the 36-year-old burglar told investigating officers that he had sneaked into the house after realising the owner was out.

The burglar, who entered via the back door, claimed that he was blinded once he was inside and felt like he was in a cave.

“Each time I wanted to flee, I felt a ‘supernatural figure’ shoving me to the ground,’’ he told police.

He claimed this was his first time experiencing such trauma during a break-in.

The burglar had no choice but to stay put in the room for three days as his shouts for help were in vain.

Kemaman Deputy police chief Deputy Supt Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar said the couple lodged a police report on the same day.

He said the burglar was warded at the Kemaman Hospital and his condition is stable.

Source: The Star Online

Love of God in Mathematics

Absolutely amazing!


Beauty of Mathematics !!!!!!!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321



Now, take a look at this...101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21! 22 23 2 4 25 26.

If

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN look how far the love of God will take you:


L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there,
It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

What is this?

What is this?

Please Scroll down for the answer

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It's a Baby Panda :)

Man killed over tussle for karaoke microphone

SANDAKAN: A 23-year-old man who hogged the microphone at a karaoke outlet here was stabbed to death by irked fellow customers.

Abdul Sani Doli was stabbed by customers of a coffeeshop cum karaoke outlet at Lebuh Tiga here late Wednesday after a fight broke out with other customers following his refusal to give up the microphone as he continued to sing.

Abdul Sani and his assailants had argued over the microphone before it turned into an exchange of blows that spilled over into the street where the three assailants stabbed him.

Abdul Sani staggered a short distance before collapsing on the walkway in front of a machinery shop and died at about 11.55pm on Wednesday.

Sandakan district police chief Asst Comm Rosli Mohd Isa said police have classified the case as murder and two people have been detained to assist in the investigations.

Abdul Sani is believed to have suffered chest wounds. His body was sent to the Duchess of Kent Hospital for a post mortem.

Source: The Star Online

Unfortunate Logos

First time on a plane...I guess

‘Bonnie and Clyde’ couple nabbed while watching porn

JOHOR BARU: A married couple believed responsible for multiple robberies were caught off-guard -- and redfaced -- when police raided their home while they were enjoying a pornographic movie on DVD.

The 23-year-old man and his 30-year-old wife were enjoying their porn and getting “frisky” when police raided their home in Skudai at 2.50am last Thursday.

Police seized several items including 18 pornographic DVDs and weapons they are believed to have used in their robberies.

Johor police chief Deputy Comm Datuk Mohd Mokhtar Mohd Shariff said that the couple are believed to have robbed houses in Nusajaya and Skudai on Sept 9 and Oct 30 respectively.

“We believe the suspects are responsible for multiple robberies in Skudai and Nusajaya.

“We are checking whether they have past criminal records,” he told a press conference at the state police headquarters here on Tuesday.

Last week, a different married criminal couple were killed in a shootout with police in Petaling Jaya.

Source: The Star Online

Modified NGV unit explodes, trader dies

MALACCA: A trader who turned a cooking gas cylinder into a natural gas vehicle (NGV) storage unit to power his van died hours after the tank exploded at a petrol station here on Friday.

Mohd Hilmi Ishak, 25,died at the station in Jalan Datuk Seri Md Zin Abd Ghani, Batu Berendam.

His brother, Mohd Rosli, 30, and a friend identified as Razali Md Zin, 31, who were in the van, which burst into flames, sustained serious injuries and have been warded at the Malacca Hospital.

The explosion is believed to have been caused by a spark from the engine, which was running at that time.

Jalan Kubu Fire and Rescue Services Department operations chief Mokhtar Osman said Hilmi was in the driver's seat when the tan k exploded.
"We believe that the self-modified cooking gas cylinder was placed under the driver's seat and covered with canvas."

Mokhtar said investigations revealed that Hilmi had attached the hose to the modified tank and was filling it when the tank exploded.

He said the department received a call about 8.10pm and a team was dispatched to the area.

They took 20 minutes to put out the fire.

In Rembau, The Road Transport Department said it will post the list of 72 authorised NGV installer workshops on its website and publish it in the newspapers by next week.

Currently, there are 58 workshops authorised by the RTD to convert vehicles to run on natural gas.

"Sometimes, people are taken in by the cheap NGV conversions offered by irresponsible workshops," said RTD director-general Datuk Solah Mat Hassan said after presenting a group of senior citizens with their motorcycle licences in a ceremony at Sekolah Kebangsaan Undang Rembau.

"Some people also ignore the basic safety rules at petrol stations, like switching off the engine or handphones."

He was referring the accident which claimed Hilmi's life.

Solah said two similar incidents in Cheras in Kuala Lumpur and Kepong have been reported.

He advised motorists to patronise RTD accredited workshops and have the vehicle inspected by Puspakom to ensure all safety guidelines have been followed.

Source: The New Straits Times

Angkasawan denies being paid RM1.2mil for seminar appearances

PETALING JAYA: Angkasawan Datuk Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor who is embroiled in a controversy over claims that he has collected RM1.2mil in fees for talks has vehemently denied the allegations.

The Angkasawan, whose family has also come out in support of him, also denied that he had made appearances and given talks to 150 companies.

“I am a millionaire? I wish I were,” he said in reaction to a report claiming that he had made a total of RM1.2mil by charging RM8,000 per hour.

Dr Sheikh Muszaphar also denied making appearances at 150 corporate functions, saying that so far, he had given talks at 200 schools and less than 10 companies.

“The report is absolutely untrue,” he said in an interview yesterday.

Science, Technology and Innovation Minister Datuk Dr Maximus Ongkili said the ministry had not received any official complaint about the allegations made in a news portal.

Dr Ongkili said that if the allegations were true, a complaint could be lodged and the ministry would investigate.

He said the Government’s contracts with the two Angkasawan — the other is Dr Faiz Khaleed — expires on Dec 31, adding that under the contract, they were obliged to take part in all promotional programmes arranged by the ministry.

They are also prohibited from receiving any rewards other than those from the ministry, he said.

Ongkili’s deputy Fadillah Yusof, in response to the allegations, said: “I’ve asked him (the astronaut) to meet me to discuss the matter on Monday.”

The Angkasawan’s father, Datuk Sheikh Mustapha Syed Shukor, and brother Sheikh Taufik (who often accompanied him for talks around the country), also vouched for Dr Sheikh Muszaphar, saying he had never demanded fees and added that he was a victim of jealousy and backstabbing.

Sheikh Taufik said: “He does not get paid for programmes organised under the Angkasawan programme like roadshows and school visits.

“Sometimes at the schools, he brings along his book (Reaching for the Stars) but all proceeds from sales are meant for the children of our brother (Sheikh Mustapa who died not long after Dr Sheikh Muszaphar landed on Earth).

“He is not fussy about money. He regrets leaving the matter for third parties to arrange and now wants to personally deal with such invitations,” Sheikh Taufik added.

The father expressed disappointment with the way his son has been treated.

He said Dr Sheikh Muszaphar did not get much from the ministry, adding: “He was only given a car to use and paid a RM5,000-plus salary. He even has to pay for a driver and a bodyguard to see to his safety as he has to travel around a lot to give motivational talks.

“When he is invited to give talks overseas, such as in the United States, he has to pay for lodging and flight tickets. So, if the organisers offer payment, he accepts them for these purposes,” Sheikh Mustapha said.

He claimed that many organisers wanted to make money out of his son by inviting him to give talks. He also said that Dr Sheikh Muszaphar was not given monetary rewards like other sportsmen who made the country proud.

“All he gets is his monthly salary.

“He was also warned not to accept any datukship,” he said, adding that Dr Sheikh Muszaphar, however, accepted his datukship from the Yang di-Pertuan Besar of Negri Sembilan, his home state.

“He did not want to accept but I told him that the Yam Tuan Besar will murka (be angry).”

Source: The Star Online

Mahathir can’t swim, urges parents to ensure their kids can

PUTRAJAYA: Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad can do many things but take him to a pool and that’s where his human frailty will begin to show

The former Prime Minister can’t swim.

Launching a charity triathlon event for an 11-year-old who will also swim 8km across the Putrajaya lake, the former Prime Minister spoke about his “weakness”.

“I confess that I can’t swim. I am astonished that humans can swim.

“I used to worry that when I sailed on ships, I would sink to the bottom in case anything happened to the vessels,’’ he said.

He acknowledged how important it was to learn to swim, and urged parents to ensure their children could do so.

“It is a bit too late for me but I have tried to learn swimming many times,” he added.

Salman Ali Shariati Abdul Halim will also cycle for 360km and run 84km to raise funds for his attempt to swim across the English Chan–nel next year.

If successful, the boy will be–come the youngest swimmer to cross the English Channel.

Dr Mahathir praised Salman — a student of the Anglo Chinese School in Ipoh who is dubbed the “Iron Boy” — for his grit and determination at such a tender age.

He was recognised as the country’s youngest long distance swimmer by the Malaysia Book of Records last year.

Source: The Star Online

Crackdown on massage parlours, cybercafes with ‘side activities

KUANTAN: The Kuantan Municipal Council (MPK) will not hesitate to revoke the licences of massage parlour operators who violate the rules by providing sexual services, nor cybercafe owners who allow their premises to become gambling dens.

It was a unanimous decision made during its full council meeting held here on Wednesday after its president Datuk Azizan Ahmad suggested that firm action be taken against such operators.

He said fines or suspending their licences weren’t sufficient deterrents, and they should instead be given the maximum penalty of having their permits revoked.

“There is a need to act quickly on this matter. We do have a set of rules and regulations but if the premises conduct activities other than those listed in the licence -- such as gambling and prostitution -- we should immediately cancel the licence,” Azizan said.

Source: The Star Online

Shah Rukh Khan to accept Datukship in person

MALACCA: Chief Minister Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam has confirmed that Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan will be accepting his Datukship.

The ceremony would be held in November, although the date has yet to be decided, he said.

Shah Rukh Khan was among 77 people conferred the Darjah Mulia Seri Melaka (DMSM), which carries the title Datuk, in conjunction with the 70th birthday of Yang di-Pertua Negri Tun Mohd Khalil Yaakob on Oct 11.

The conferment of the title on the Bollywood heartthrob stirred up a controversy. Some commented that the actor did not deserve the award as he probably did not even know where Malacca is situated, while others said such awards should be given to local artistes.

The Malaysian Artistes Association (Karyawan) however backed the conferment, saying it had no problem with it as long as similar or higher awards were conferred to equally deserving local artistes.

Karyawan said it was the prerogative of the state Ruler to confer awards on intended candidates, but added that it would have been better if associations were given the opportunity to recommend some names for such awards.

The issue was even brought up in Parliament.

Mohd Ali earlier said the decision to confer the title on the actor was based on a suggestion by former Finance Minister Tun Daim Zainuddin to Yang diPertua Negri Tun Mohd Khalil Yaakob as a means to further promote Malacca.

Shah Rukh Khan had starred in the movie One 2 ka 4 that was shot at the A Famosa Resort in Alor Gajah in 2001.

“This resulted in many people visiting Malacca since. The award is given in recognition of this,” Mohd Ali said.

He added that awarding international artistes such awards was also a good way to promote the state and country as a location for movies.

Source: The Star Online

Peeping Tom falls to his death from condo’s eighth floor

GEORGE TOWN: A suspected Peep­ing Tom fell to his death after spying on a woman living in a nearby high-rise building.

The 20-year-old contract worker was said to have slipped off the balcony of the eighth floor condominium he rented while ogling through his binoculars.

He was alone in the condominium in Gurney Drive on Friday when the incident took place.

A security guard who was on his rounds stumbled upon the body sprawled in a pool of blood in the compound at 11.30pm.

He immediately alerted the police.

The man’s body was claimed by family members at the Penang Hospital mortuary yesterday.

A police spokesman said the man had earlier gestured to neighbours of his “discovery” through his binoculars before the incident.

George Town OCPD Asst Comm Azam Abd Hamid said that po­­lice had ruled out foul play and classified the case as sudden death.

He added that no clear motive was established over the death, except that police had recovered a pair of binoculars at the scene.

He said initial investigations revealed that the deceased could have been too “preoccupied” with his peeping when he slipped and plunged to the ground from his unit.

Source: The Star Online

People just Khan believe it!

MALACCA: The conferment of Datukship on Bollywood heartthrob Shah Rukh Khan has stirred up a controversy. Politicians, professionals and the man on the street are hotly questioning the wisdom of the move.

Some commented that the actor did not deserve the award as “he hardly knows where Malacca is” and asked whether he had promoted Malacca in his songs and movies.

SMSes received by The Star also hit out at the move, saying such awards should be given to local artistes.

Chief Minister Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam said the decision to confer the title on the actor was suggested to Yang di-Pertua Negri Tun Mohd Khalil Yaakob by former Finance Minister Tun Daim Zainuddin recently.

Daim said it was a means to promote Malacca and the actor had shot a movie scene here several years ago.

The movie One 2 ka 4 was shot at the A Famosa Resort in Alor Gajah in 2001.

“This resulted in many people visiting Malacca. The award was given in recognition of this,” Mohd Ali said after the investiture ceremony in conjunction with Khalil’s 70th birthday celebrations.

Shah Rukh Khan was given the Darjah Mulia Seri Melaka (DMSM) which carries the title Datuk.

Scores of fans gathered at the Dewan Seri where the investiture cere­­mony was held yesterday to catch a glimpse of the actor. He, however, did not attend the ceremony.

Mohd Ali said Daim was making arrangements to bring the actor here to receive the award in a special ceremony.

Businesswoman Fatimah Tahir, a huge fan of the star, said she was stunned to hear that he had received a Datukship.

“I thought the award is given to those who have contributed towards Malacca’s development.

“I wonder whether Shah Rukh Khan even knows where Malacca is,” said the 40-year-old from Taman Melaka Raya.

Lawyer Nizam Bashir from Ujong Pasir here also questioned the decision to award Shah Rukh Khan as he had not seen the actor promoting Malacca in his songs or movies.

“I am happy for him but does he even know he is getting the award?” said Nizam, 35, adding that it would be more meaningful if deserving local artistes were given recognition.

The local artistes who received the Darjah Seri Melaka (DSM) award, which does not carry any title, were singer Goh Eng Boon, popularly known as Andre Goh, comedian Jantan Osman also known as Ali Mamak and 60s singer Mariam Ahmad.

DAP adviser Lim Kit Siang said he was not against deserving people being awarded the Datukship but priority should be given to local artistes.

He noted that if Shah Rukh Khan deserved the award, then so should Hollywood stars Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones who shot the movie Entrapment against the backdrop of the Twin Towers in 1999.

Source: The Star Online

Quote of the Year: Malaysia

QUOTE OF THE YEAR

“What is important is we did not ask for the women. He supplied them to us. If people sedekah (donate), don’t you want to accept it?”

- Zul Hassan Source

More disturbing video surfaces after lesbian clip

KUANTAN: Another pornographic video clip featuring a secondary schoolgirl has surfaced here.

But this time, the content was more disturbing as it showed a girl forced to strip and being abused by a group of female gangsters.

The victim, believed to be a Form Two student, was forced to perform sexual acts in front of the group, which included several boys.

It is understood that the victim was abused as a payback for exposing the sexual and gangster activities of the other girls.

The culprits were believed to be involved in an earlier video clip that was circulated, featuring a Form Four and Form Five female student in a lesbian sex romp.
The existence of the first video clip was highlighted last week in the New Straits Times after it was found by a company manager in his daughter's mobile phone.

In the second clip, one of the female gangsters forced the victim to perform sexual acts.

Speaking with a thick Pekan accent, the gangster said: "Sit here and do it stupid!

"If not, I will kick you. Do you want me to distribute this (the recording) to the whole school?"

Throughout the two-minute and 39 second video clip, the victim was physically and verbally abused.

Her tormentors also made comments on her looks and body.

It could not be confirmed where and when the incident took place.

But a student, who claimed to be the victim's schoolmate, said that it was recorded in a classroom of a secondary school here.

"The girl was forced to perform the act in front of several female and male students," the schoolmate said.

She also claimed that the gangsters and the victim were from the same school.

She believed that the culprits were also involved in the first video clip.

Source: New Straits Times

Councillor who took sexual favours sacked

IPOH: The state government has declared as vacant the post of Perak Tengah district councillor, held by Zul Hassan who is facing a corruption charge and admitted to having accepted sexual favours.

The move which was quickly hailed by Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR).

“Zul Hassan, who is under investigation by the Anti-Corruption Authority (ACA), had not only issued a statement confessing to illicit sex, but also justified his decision by saying he was induced into committing thw immoral act,” PKR president Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah Wan Ismail said in a statement.

“Such a statement makes a mockery of Pakatan Rakyat’s pledge towards a government that respects the trust of the people,” she said.

Zul Hassan is facing a corruption charge over a development project at Seri Iskandar in Perak Tengah. In a complaint that he lodged against one Mohamad Imran Abdullah, he and businessman Fairul Azrim Ismail admitted having accepted offers to have sex with Chinese nationals.

Mohamad Imran is the complainant in a corruption case in which Zul and four others are the accused.

Zul Hassan had been quoted as saying “what is important is we did not ask for the women. He supplied them to us. If people sedekah (donate), don’t you want to accept it?”

Dr Wan Azizah said the PKR disciplinary committee will deal with Zul Hassan, who will be asked to explain his statement above.

Source: The Star Online

Breaking News: Malaysian Health Authority

Warning: All men are advised not to suck China girls' breasts as the milk may contain melamine!

Malaysian Health Authority is currently inspecting China girls' breasts at various Pubs, Karaoke Centres, Disco, Health Spa, Reflexology Centre and "outskirt" restaurants.

Student's lesbian sex romp video makes the rounds

PEKAN: A video clip involving two secondary school students in a lesbian sex romp is making its rounds at schools here.

The clip, 100 minutes long, is believed to feature a Fifth Former and a Fourth Former. It is believed that the incident was videotaped on a mobile phone by the older of the two students.

The clip came to light after a company manager discovered it on his daughter's mobile phone.

"She knows the students featured. The video clip has been widely distributed among teenagers here," said the 45-year-old who wanted to be known only as James.

A 19-year-old girl, who wanted to be known only known as Amy, claimed the tomboy was well known here for her Cassanova personality.
"She has many girlfriends due to her 'handsome' appearance and caring attitude.

"She also likes to record her intimate moments with her girlfriends and show them to her friends."

Amy said this was the first time such a video clip had been circulated among the public.

Source: New Straits Times
Rumoured video can be found here

The four stages of life

That about sums it all!

Chopping The Cherry Tree...

Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. George gives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe . His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted bravely admitting the truth :-

'I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell
a lie. I did cut it with my axe.'


This is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question :-

PM Badawi -
I did not cut down the tree, I was just taking a nap underneath it.

Najib -
I swear that I have never MET that tree.

Hishamuddin-
... but I only own a keris, not axe, how to cut down the tree.

Dr.M -
Apa nama cherry tree, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.

Chua Soi Lek -
Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.

VK Lingam -
It could be me, it might have been me but I don't think it's me.

Anwar Ibrahim -
I DID NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA samples for you to plant on the axe handle.

Khir Toyo -
the new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.

Ahmad Said ( TerrenganuMB)-
I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.

Azalina Othman -
The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down. Besides there were unauthorized signboards put up around the tree.

Shabery Cheek -
I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.

Samy Velu -
I chopped it because HINDRAF members were using it as a meeting point

Wira Ali Rustam -
We have planted Durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple trees, pear trees and all these other foreign trees.

Rais Yatim -
You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain, Ali Rustan said that are against our national identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see- it's a WIN-WIN situation all around.

Sharir Samad -
I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidize it.

Karpal Singh -
The bigfoot creature did it.

Bung Mokhtar -
The big monkey did it

Pandikar Amin Mulia -
There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees, Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.sit down.

Khairy Jamaluddin -
I did not do it, neither did the mat rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree ?

Lim Kit Siang -
In response to Khairy - cherry tree also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford.

Nazri Aziz -
racist, racist, racist, when we cut down durian trees nobody
made a fuss.

Malaysian Citizens -
oh for heaven's sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death.

Wedding Invitation

[Click to enlarge picture]

How men change after married?

The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn ' t love you, then why did I marry you?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I ' m home!
After 6 months: I ' m BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?

Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it ' s for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!

Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??

New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I ' m going to watch PIRATES play, if you ' re not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!

Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I ' m suffocating here!!!!

MCA shocked by arrest of reporter and not perpetrator

PETALING JAYA: The MCA has expressed shock that former Bukit Bendera Umno division chairman Datuk Ahmad Ismail, who made racist remarks has not been taken to task but reporter Tan Hoon Cheng, who wrote about the incident, has been arrested instead.

“The perpetrator who vowed to conduct a nationwide roadshow on his remarks without any remorse is still at large,” MCA vice-president Datuk Ong Tee Keat said in a statement yesterday.

He said anybody in his right mind would certainly be stunned by such an arrest targeted at the reporter and not the perpetrator.

MCA vice-president Datuk Seri Dr Fong Chan Onn said he disagreed with the use of the ISA on Tan.

“As a reporter, Tan was only carrying out duties assigned to her. Her story had gone through the due editorial process before it was printed,” he said.

Information Minister Datuk Ahmad Shabery Cheek said the arrest of Raja Petra Kamaruddin was judicious because he ridiculed Islam in his postings which could spark fury among Muslims.

Gerakan president Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon, meanwhile, urged the Government to bring Raja Petra to trial in court under existing laws.

“This is consistent with Gerakan’s stand that the ISA should be reviewed, if not repealed,” Dr Koh said in a statement.

Opposition Leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim condemned Raja Petra’s arrest and called for his immediate release.

“Raja Petra should be given access to proper legal counsel, and his wife and children should not be denied an opportunity to visit him while he is held captive,” he said in a statement.

DAP adviser Lim Kit Siang called for Raja Petra’s release as there was no justification for his detention. He said Raja Petra should be charged in court if he had infringed the law, and not held in detention without trial.

Source: The Star Online


Background story: Raja Petra, Teresa Kok and Sin Chew reporter arrested under ISA

PETALING JAYA: Malaysia Today news portal editor Raja Petra Kamarudin, Seputeh MP Teresa Kok and Sin Chew Daily reporter Tan Hoon Cheng were arrested under the Internal Security Act (ISA) here and in Penang.

The first person to be picked up was Raja Petra, 58, from his house in Sungai Buloh near here, followed by Tan, 32, who was arrested from her house in Bukit Mertajam, Penang. Teresa, 43, was detained at 11.20pm as she was on her way home in a car.

All of them were arrested under Section 73(1) of the ISA for allegedly being a threat to security, peace and public order.

A team of police officers from Bukit Aman arrived at Raja Petra’s house at 1.10pm and led him away 40 minutes later.

The team also took some 15 VCDs on ceramah held by Opposition Leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim as well as 16 books.

Last week, the Department of Islamic Development (Jakim) and several Muslim bodies lodged a police report against Raja Petra, who is already facing criminal defamation charges for allegedly insulting the Malays, Muslims and Islam.

In a statement, Deputy Inspector General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar said Raja Petra was arrested based on surveillance that showed that he was involved in activities that could cause unrest among the multi-racial and multi-religious society of the country.

Tan, who was picked up at 8.40pm, was taken from her house in Taman Seri Rambai in Bukit Mertajam to the state police headquarters on the island.

Tan, 32, reported former Bukit Bendera Umno division chief Datuk Ahmad Ismail’s racist remarks while campaigning for the Permatang Pauh by-election.

Lee Kelvin from Guang Ming and Tan Ming Xao from Nanyang Siang Pau, who had vouched for the accuracy of Tan’s report had gone into hiding.

Kok, 43, who is also state assemblyman for Kinrara and the senior Selangor state executive councillor, was picked up over an alleged involvement with a resident’s petition over a mosque.

Acting Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar confirmed the arrests of Tan and Kok.

Under the Section, police are empowered to detain the trio for a period of 60 days after which the Home Minister can decide on further detention.

Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar admitted that the decision to detain people and issue show cause letters would be unpopular and would be criticised but it had to be done.

“While we may want to be popular, freedom without responsibilities has ramifications.

“We have to take action to protect the wishes of the majority,” he said.

Syed Hamid also said Raja Petra had been warned on many occasions in the last two years.

“Now, with so much public uneasiness, we do not want anything that can threaten peace in the country.

“The police looked at all aspects and, under present circumstances, the actions were necessary,” he added.

Source: The Star Online

Bad English

This is one of the reason why Tun Dr. Mahathir is pushing Malaysian to improve their command of English.

Welder’s love plans unscrewed

JOHOR BARU: A welder who tried to elongate his penis with a nut found himself in a pickle when the nut got stuck after he had an erection.

The victim, from Taman Sri Skudai, had apparently been trying to increase the length of his penis ahead of his engagement next week when disaster struck.

It is learnt that the incident occurred on Thursday and the 20-something-year-old victim went to the Sultanah Aminah Hospital here to seek treatment when he was unable to get the nut off himself.

Unfortunately, hospital authorities were at a loss and had to call the Fire and Rescue Department for assistance.

A department spokesman confirmed that they received a call from the hospital yesterday, and sent seven firemen to help out.

They, too, were unable to remove the nut.

At press time, the nut was still firmly attached to the base of the man’s genitals.

This is the second case in the past week involving objects stuck on penises. On Aug 25, firemen were summoned to the University Malaya Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur to cut a steel ring from a patient’s penis after numerous attempts by doctors failed to dislodge it. It is believed the patient, in his 20s, had slipped the ring onto his penis to increase his sexual prowess.

Source: The Star Online

Logo Merdeka 50% tiru simbol Taiwan

Logo sambutan ulang tahun kemerdekaan negara ke-51 didakwa mirip logo anugerah produk cemerlang yang diberikan oleh kementerian hal-ehwal ekonomi Taiwan.

Logo tiga warna utama Jalur Gemilang yang memenangi hadiah RM10,000 berbeza sedikit daripada lambang anugerah Taiwan, yang serba merah, apabila ia memuatkan tiga bulatan kecil di tengah-tengahnya.

Sisi-sisi reka bentuk itu juga (foto atas, kanan) lebih bulat berbanding logo Taiwan itu.

Dengan kerjasama Majlis Pembangunan Perdagangan Luar Taiwan (TAITRA), produk-produk yang cemerlang dari negara itu ditampalkan dengan logo anugerah itu setiap tahun sejak 2003.

Bersama logo merah itu yang telah didaftarkan sebagai cap dagang, produk terbaik republik itu bertulis "It's very well. Made in Taiwan."

Logo sambutan kemerdekaan Malaysia tahun ini dengan slogan 'Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan' dimenangi oleh seorang artis bernama Anuar Dan.

Dihubungi Malaysiakini hari ini, artis itu mengakui "50 peratus" logo sambutan kemerdekaan itu diambil daripada lambang produk terbaik Taiwan.

Lambang itu dirujuk sebagai bahan kajiannya sebelum menghasilkan logo 'Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan', katanya.

Anuar (foto kiri) menjelaskan, beliau memasukkan idea-ideanya sendiri untuk mencipta logo sambutan itu.

Logonya antara 800 penyertaan yang diterima untuk peraduan melukis logo sambutan ulang tahun kemerdekaan negara tahun ini yang bakal disambut dua hari lagi.

Menteri Perpaduan, Kebudayaan, Kesenian dan Warisan Datuk Seri Mohd Shafie Apdal melancarkan logo dan slogan itu awal bulan ini bersama lagu baru ciptaan Datuk Suhaimi Mohd Zain (Pak Ngah) dan Lokman Ghani.

Menurut penjelasan rasmi, logo ini diilhamkan daripada "ikatan tiga figura yang saling berganding bahu menunjukkan perpaduan erat melambangkan 'Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan'.

"Tiga ikatan figura manusia saling berganding bahu menunjukkan rakyat yang bekerjasama di antara satu sama lain dalam menjaga keamanan dan memajukan negara" yang mewakili pelbagai kaum mencapai kejayaan dalam perpaduan.

Di logo sambutan kemerdekaan itu, merah membawa makna "keberanian rakyat", putih (kesetiaan keseluruhan rakyat Malaysia), biru (perpaduan yang dijalinkan oleh kaum-kaum di Malaysia), manakala kuning (sistem beraja dan Yang di-Pertuan Agong).

Malaysiakini telah dimaklumkan mengenai kemiripan kedua-dua logo itu melalui emel yang diterima daripada seorang pembaca. Berita penuh di sini

Source: Malaysiakini

Cool links to get around those websites being blocked?

Guys,

Is your favourite website(s) being blocked or censored from the office or by the government *wink* *wink*, check out this following websites to get around it:

http://www.turbohide.com/

http://theproxyfree.com/

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

FM: received this email from a friend. Enjoy!

Answers from the USA

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...


DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C%
.......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

ALGORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

====================================

Answers from Malaysians and Singaporeans

LEE KUAN YEW (Former Prime Minister Singapore):
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should be able to cross safely to the other side.

LEE HSIEN LOONG (Current Prime Minister Singapore):
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

ABDULLAH BADAWI (Current Prime Minister Malaysia):
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR (Former Prime Minister Malaysia who MUST migrate now):
Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road? How can they disrespect and disregard the bumi chickens? We must be allowed to crossover first. It is our right!

SAMY VELU (Former Minister of Works Malaysia):
After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the road.

ANWAR (Opposition party leader Malaysia – now PM-in-Waiting)):
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

My little Contribution. Feel free to come up with your own. After all, this is what Democracy is all about.

Najib (DPM Malaysia – Now looking for eggs before they become more chickens)
Dead chickens can’t cross the road. I blew them up with C4 !

Saiful (Najib;s Rear Intelligence)
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I will find out.

SIL ( AIR Apparent – Apparently)
If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too.

Syed Hamid Alba (Home Minister cum DNA Profiler wannabe)
Are you sure it was a chicken and not a duck?. Are you sure there is no sinister motive? Let’s wait for the DNA results. (DNA- Does Not Apply)

KellyvilleACE
In the interest of Democracy, Equality, Accountability, and Transparency, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

ALL ANAK ANAK BANGSA of the NEW MALAYSIA !!
What chicken? This Rooster has come home to rule!!


Do not underestimate the POWER of ONE
I now ONE to make Malaysia my FIRST HOME -AUSTRALIA

Young collectors with fetish for obscene dolls

PORNOGRAPHIC dolls, which can cost up to RM200 each, have flooded the local market and are being snapped up by well-off young collectors.

Harian Metro reported that collecting these dolls was a hobby to some, especially children from wealthy homes, according to the Home Ministry Quranic text control division central enforcement unit head Mohd Rizal Abidin.

The dolls were being sold in shopping malls in the Klang Valley.

“The traders told us that most of these dolls are popular with teenagers who bought them for their own private collection, or as gifts for their friends.

“Action has to be taken as such pornographic dolls affect society’s moral values,” he said after raiding several premises which sold such dolls in Bukit Bintang, Subang Jaya, Petaling Jaya and Brickfields since last Monday.

Mohd Rizal said they confiscated 114 dolls valued at about RM10,000.

Source: The Star Online

Fraudsters use women to obtain contracts

KUALA LUMPUR: Sexual gratification is one of the three main factors why fraud takes place.

Fraudsters use women in exchange for government contracts and licences from authorities and decision-makers, according to the Malaysian chapter of the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners.

Its president, Akhbar Satar, said these women are usually guest relations officers hired to seduce the decision-makers who were mostly males.

He was speaking during the "Economic Crime" seminar held in conjunction with the 2008 World Economic Crime conference. The seminar was organised by Berita Harian and Help University College.

"The fraudsters know that men are usually weak when it comes to women," said Akhbar who was the former Anti-Corruption Agency director of training as well as former Negri Sembilan ACA director.
He added these female accomplices are paid at least RM1,000 per "session".

"At times, these sexual acts are recorded and it may be used as a form of extorting the victims later if necessary."

The "victims" are usually people in power such as politicians, government officials and corporate heads.

Some of the female fraudsters "offer" themselves just to get the contracts and licences, he added.

The act of using women in exchange for business contracts and licences was a global phenomenon, he added.

The other two factors why fraud takes place are the lure of a powerful corporate position and promise of money.

"These factors show that it is human nature to desire maximum pleasure with minimum pain," he said.

Akhbar said these factors were compiled from reports made to the ACA.

Fraud, Akhbar said, included bribery, corruption and economic crime.

Economic crime is defined as acts in violation of the criminal law designed to bring financial reward to an offender. The crime also involves illegal business activities.

Source: The New Straits Times

Temple offers condo for the dead

GEORGE TOWN: For the Hungry Ghosts festival this year, a temple here has prepared something special for the earthquake and cyclone victims of Sichuan, China and Myanmar – two luxury condominium towers.

The 5.5m-high paper effigy, along with other offerings, were burnt outside the Lebuhraya Jelutong temple yesterday in line with the Chinese belief that those in the afterlife would receive them.

“We wanted to do something special this year, so when the temple committee asked for a effigy design, I came up with a condo concept. This way, there is a lot of space for all the victims to have a home,” said Teong Leng Keong temple secretary Ong Ooi Huan, 50.

“The earthquake and cyclone victims have been added to the list of people that temple devotees are praying for, so we hope this offering will do something to appease their souls,” Ong said, adding that the effigy took two weeks to make.

A contractor by profession, Ong said he based the design on a super condominium on the island which has been dubbed Penang’s “mini Petronas Twin Towers.”

It took eight people to move the structure, which was built complete with a three-storey basement car park and swimming pool.

The bright blue effigy was then set alight alongside two 3m-high kim chua (joss-paper) structures created by visiting Thai devotees.

“Thai devotees have been invited to celebrate the Hungry Ghost festival at this temple annually for the last five years.

“It’s great to visit the island and be able to help out in the celebration,” said Thai national Lau Siew Mei, 55.

Source: The Star Online

Different Terminology

School:
A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.! :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Banned guinness commercial

Syabu lab near police station busted

RAWANG: Police have busted a drug syndicate with a laboratory located some 600m from the Batang Kali police station.

The laboratory is the largest uncovered in Selangor so far this year.

Police arrested three suspected drug traffickers, aged between 45 and 54, and seized the synthetic drug syabu with a street value of more than RM1.1mil.

The suspects were in the midst of processing the drugs when police raided a single-storey house at a housing estate in Kampung Baru Cina at about 7pm on Monday.

Police staked out the house for two days before storming the property.

Among the items found were 1kg of partially-processed syabu. Chemicals and precursors found included four barrels of an unknown liquid, chloroform and acid. Two cars were also seized.

State Narcotics Crime Investigations Department chief Asst Comm Nordin Kadir said the syndicate had enough materials to produce 5kg of syabu.

He said police were unsure how long the group had been active but believed it had constantly been on the move to avoid detection.

The suspects have been remanded for three days under the Dangerous Drugs Act.

Source: The Star Online

How many xiao long bao are there in the photos?

Contest: Free supply of Xiao Long Bao for life if you can count the number of them correctly.

(Please do not scroll untill you are ready)



Ok






Ready





5





4




3





2





1





Start

Ok how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Ok how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Take your time. How about this...how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Yes...I know it is very hard to concentrate...please stay focus : how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Focus...Focus...I know you can do it. When you count please don't count the pair of xiao long bao on her chest. How many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Please leave your results in the comment section. I gave up after the third photos...

You Fail

POLICE: Website's report an attempt to sabotage investigations, confuse public

Police have dismissed reports on the Internet that a private hospital doctor had not found any medical evidence of sodomy by Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s accuser as another attempt to sabotage police investigations.
Deputy Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar said the reports were also aimed at confusing the people.

Police, he said, were considering investigating the news website and a blog over their reports, which referred to a medical report allegedly issued by Pusrawi Hospital on Jalan Tun Razak.

The news report claimed that there was no evidence that Anwar’s former aide Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan had been sodomised.

However, Ismail declined to comment on the medical report itself, saying investigations were ongoing.
Mohd Saiful had alleged that he had been sodomised by the de facto leader of Parti Keadilan Rakyat.

Ismail also quashed rumours that Dr Mohamed Osman Abdul Hamid, the Pusrawi Hospital medical officer who examined Mohd Saiful on June 28, had been picked up by police.

“Mohamed Osman’s statement had been recorded by police earlier on in the investigation, as such, rumours circulating about his arrest by police are untrue,” Ismail said.

Attempts to get in touch with Pusrawi Hospital officials were futile as all questions were met with a “No comment” answer.

According to the news website, Dr Mohamed Osman had examined Mohd Saiful about four hours before lodging a police report alleging he had been sexually assaulted by Anwar.

Mohd Saiful went to the hospital about 2pm on June 28 complaining of ’tenesmus’, a medical term for difficulty and pain in passing motion.

Dr Mohamed Osman, a Burmese Muslim, is said to be on leave.

Source: The New Straits Times

The Sensintrovert: Dr Mohamed Osman Abdul Hamid of Hospital Pusrawi Claimed That Saiful Bukhari Wasn't Sodomised - No Sign of Anal Intrusion/Per-Rectal Bleeding

Malaysia-Today: Doctor on the run: police want him to fabricate evidence against Anwar

Susan Loone: Saiful was never sodomised by Anwar…

Funny Mamee Sllrrrp Ads

Misadventure of Apek and Ali

Two old friends - Apek and Ali were having a conversation recently ....

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: ?!! err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aahh ... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: ???!!! err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: ??! Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers)

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau..

Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang..

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja..

Bukan potong zaka la..... proton saga........

Human Resource Memo

To all Employees:

Effective TODAY

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Holidays

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Husbands and Boyfriends...beware

Husbands and boyfriends...if you all are thinking of having an affair, be prepared for the consequences.