Bad English

This is one of the reason why Tun Dr. Mahathir is pushing Malaysian to improve their command of English.

Welder’s love plans unscrewed

JOHOR BARU: A welder who tried to elongate his penis with a nut found himself in a pickle when the nut got stuck after he had an erection.

The victim, from Taman Sri Skudai, had apparently been trying to increase the length of his penis ahead of his engagement next week when disaster struck.

It is learnt that the incident occurred on Thursday and the 20-something-year-old victim went to the Sultanah Aminah Hospital here to seek treatment when he was unable to get the nut off himself.

Unfortunately, hospital authorities were at a loss and had to call the Fire and Rescue Department for assistance.

A department spokesman confirmed that they received a call from the hospital yesterday, and sent seven firemen to help out.

They, too, were unable to remove the nut.

At press time, the nut was still firmly attached to the base of the man’s genitals.

This is the second case in the past week involving objects stuck on penises. On Aug 25, firemen were summoned to the University Malaya Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur to cut a steel ring from a patient’s penis after numerous attempts by doctors failed to dislodge it. It is believed the patient, in his 20s, had slipped the ring onto his penis to increase his sexual prowess.

Source: The Star Online

Logo Merdeka 50% tiru simbol Taiwan

Logo sambutan ulang tahun kemerdekaan negara ke-51 didakwa mirip logo anugerah produk cemerlang yang diberikan oleh kementerian hal-ehwal ekonomi Taiwan.

Logo tiga warna utama Jalur Gemilang yang memenangi hadiah RM10,000 berbeza sedikit daripada lambang anugerah Taiwan, yang serba merah, apabila ia memuatkan tiga bulatan kecil di tengah-tengahnya.

Sisi-sisi reka bentuk itu juga (foto atas, kanan) lebih bulat berbanding logo Taiwan itu.

Dengan kerjasama Majlis Pembangunan Perdagangan Luar Taiwan (TAITRA), produk-produk yang cemerlang dari negara itu ditampalkan dengan logo anugerah itu setiap tahun sejak 2003.

Bersama logo merah itu yang telah didaftarkan sebagai cap dagang, produk terbaik republik itu bertulis "It's very well. Made in Taiwan."

Logo sambutan kemerdekaan Malaysia tahun ini dengan slogan 'Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan' dimenangi oleh seorang artis bernama Anuar Dan.

Dihubungi Malaysiakini hari ini, artis itu mengakui "50 peratus" logo sambutan kemerdekaan itu diambil daripada lambang produk terbaik Taiwan.

Lambang itu dirujuk sebagai bahan kajiannya sebelum menghasilkan logo 'Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan', katanya.

Anuar (foto kiri) menjelaskan, beliau memasukkan idea-ideanya sendiri untuk mencipta logo sambutan itu.

Logonya antara 800 penyertaan yang diterima untuk peraduan melukis logo sambutan ulang tahun kemerdekaan negara tahun ini yang bakal disambut dua hari lagi.

Menteri Perpaduan, Kebudayaan, Kesenian dan Warisan Datuk Seri Mohd Shafie Apdal melancarkan logo dan slogan itu awal bulan ini bersama lagu baru ciptaan Datuk Suhaimi Mohd Zain (Pak Ngah) dan Lokman Ghani.

Menurut penjelasan rasmi, logo ini diilhamkan daripada "ikatan tiga figura yang saling berganding bahu menunjukkan perpaduan erat melambangkan 'Perpaduan Teras Kejayaan'.

"Tiga ikatan figura manusia saling berganding bahu menunjukkan rakyat yang bekerjasama di antara satu sama lain dalam menjaga keamanan dan memajukan negara" yang mewakili pelbagai kaum mencapai kejayaan dalam perpaduan.

Di logo sambutan kemerdekaan itu, merah membawa makna "keberanian rakyat", putih (kesetiaan keseluruhan rakyat Malaysia), biru (perpaduan yang dijalinkan oleh kaum-kaum di Malaysia), manakala kuning (sistem beraja dan Yang di-Pertuan Agong).

Malaysiakini telah dimaklumkan mengenai kemiripan kedua-dua logo itu melalui emel yang diterima daripada seorang pembaca. Berita penuh di sini

Source: Malaysiakini

Cool links to get around those websites being blocked?

Guys,

Is your favourite website(s) being blocked or censored from the office or by the government *wink* *wink*, check out this following websites to get around it:

http://www.turbohide.com/

http://theproxyfree.com/

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

FM: received this email from a friend. Enjoy!

Answers from the USA

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...


DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C%
.......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

ALGORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

====================================

Answers from Malaysians and Singaporeans

LEE KUAN YEW (Former Prime Minister Singapore):
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should be able to cross safely to the other side.

LEE HSIEN LOONG (Current Prime Minister Singapore):
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

ABDULLAH BADAWI (Current Prime Minister Malaysia):
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR (Former Prime Minister Malaysia who MUST migrate now):
Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road? How can they disrespect and disregard the bumi chickens? We must be allowed to crossover first. It is our right!

SAMY VELU (Former Minister of Works Malaysia):
After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the road.

ANWAR (Opposition party leader Malaysia – now PM-in-Waiting)):
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

My little Contribution. Feel free to come up with your own. After all, this is what Democracy is all about.

Najib (DPM Malaysia – Now looking for eggs before they become more chickens)
Dead chickens can’t cross the road. I blew them up with C4 !

Saiful (Najib;s Rear Intelligence)
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I will find out.

SIL ( AIR Apparent – Apparently)
If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too.

Syed Hamid Alba (Home Minister cum DNA Profiler wannabe)
Are you sure it was a chicken and not a duck?. Are you sure there is no sinister motive? Let’s wait for the DNA results. (DNA- Does Not Apply)

KellyvilleACE
In the interest of Democracy, Equality, Accountability, and Transparency, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

ALL ANAK ANAK BANGSA of the NEW MALAYSIA !!
What chicken? This Rooster has come home to rule!!


Do not underestimate the POWER of ONE
I now ONE to make Malaysia my FIRST HOME -AUSTRALIA

Young collectors with fetish for obscene dolls

PORNOGRAPHIC dolls, which can cost up to RM200 each, have flooded the local market and are being snapped up by well-off young collectors.

Harian Metro reported that collecting these dolls was a hobby to some, especially children from wealthy homes, according to the Home Ministry Quranic text control division central enforcement unit head Mohd Rizal Abidin.

The dolls were being sold in shopping malls in the Klang Valley.

“The traders told us that most of these dolls are popular with teenagers who bought them for their own private collection, or as gifts for their friends.

“Action has to be taken as such pornographic dolls affect society’s moral values,” he said after raiding several premises which sold such dolls in Bukit Bintang, Subang Jaya, Petaling Jaya and Brickfields since last Monday.

Mohd Rizal said they confiscated 114 dolls valued at about RM10,000.

Source: The Star Online

Fraudsters use women to obtain contracts

KUALA LUMPUR: Sexual gratification is one of the three main factors why fraud takes place.

Fraudsters use women in exchange for government contracts and licences from authorities and decision-makers, according to the Malaysian chapter of the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners.

Its president, Akhbar Satar, said these women are usually guest relations officers hired to seduce the decision-makers who were mostly males.

He was speaking during the "Economic Crime" seminar held in conjunction with the 2008 World Economic Crime conference. The seminar was organised by Berita Harian and Help University College.

"The fraudsters know that men are usually weak when it comes to women," said Akhbar who was the former Anti-Corruption Agency director of training as well as former Negri Sembilan ACA director.
He added these female accomplices are paid at least RM1,000 per "session".

"At times, these sexual acts are recorded and it may be used as a form of extorting the victims later if necessary."

The "victims" are usually people in power such as politicians, government officials and corporate heads.

Some of the female fraudsters "offer" themselves just to get the contracts and licences, he added.

The act of using women in exchange for business contracts and licences was a global phenomenon, he added.

The other two factors why fraud takes place are the lure of a powerful corporate position and promise of money.

"These factors show that it is human nature to desire maximum pleasure with minimum pain," he said.

Akhbar said these factors were compiled from reports made to the ACA.

Fraud, Akhbar said, included bribery, corruption and economic crime.

Economic crime is defined as acts in violation of the criminal law designed to bring financial reward to an offender. The crime also involves illegal business activities.

Source: The New Straits Times

Temple offers condo for the dead

GEORGE TOWN: For the Hungry Ghosts festival this year, a temple here has prepared something special for the earthquake and cyclone victims of Sichuan, China and Myanmar – two luxury condominium towers.

The 5.5m-high paper effigy, along with other offerings, were burnt outside the Lebuhraya Jelutong temple yesterday in line with the Chinese belief that those in the afterlife would receive them.

“We wanted to do something special this year, so when the temple committee asked for a effigy design, I came up with a condo concept. This way, there is a lot of space for all the victims to have a home,” said Teong Leng Keong temple secretary Ong Ooi Huan, 50.

“The earthquake and cyclone victims have been added to the list of people that temple devotees are praying for, so we hope this offering will do something to appease their souls,” Ong said, adding that the effigy took two weeks to make.

A contractor by profession, Ong said he based the design on a super condominium on the island which has been dubbed Penang’s “mini Petronas Twin Towers.”

It took eight people to move the structure, which was built complete with a three-storey basement car park and swimming pool.

The bright blue effigy was then set alight alongside two 3m-high kim chua (joss-paper) structures created by visiting Thai devotees.

“Thai devotees have been invited to celebrate the Hungry Ghost festival at this temple annually for the last five years.

“It’s great to visit the island and be able to help out in the celebration,” said Thai national Lau Siew Mei, 55.

Source: The Star Online

Different Terminology

School:
A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.! :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Banned guinness commercial

Syabu lab near police station busted

RAWANG: Police have busted a drug syndicate with a laboratory located some 600m from the Batang Kali police station.

The laboratory is the largest uncovered in Selangor so far this year.

Police arrested three suspected drug traffickers, aged between 45 and 54, and seized the synthetic drug syabu with a street value of more than RM1.1mil.

The suspects were in the midst of processing the drugs when police raided a single-storey house at a housing estate in Kampung Baru Cina at about 7pm on Monday.

Police staked out the house for two days before storming the property.

Among the items found were 1kg of partially-processed syabu. Chemicals and precursors found included four barrels of an unknown liquid, chloroform and acid. Two cars were also seized.

State Narcotics Crime Investigations Department chief Asst Comm Nordin Kadir said the syndicate had enough materials to produce 5kg of syabu.

He said police were unsure how long the group had been active but believed it had constantly been on the move to avoid detection.

The suspects have been remanded for three days under the Dangerous Drugs Act.

Source: The Star Online

How many xiao long bao are there in the photos?

Contest: Free supply of Xiao Long Bao for life if you can count the number of them correctly.

(Please do not scroll untill you are ready)



Ok






Ready





5





4




3





2





1





Start

Ok how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Ok how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Take your time. How about this...how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Yes...I know it is very hard to concentrate...please stay focus : how many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Focus...Focus...I know you can do it. When you count please don't count the pair of xiao long bao on her chest. How many xiao long bao in the above photo?

Please leave your results in the comment section. I gave up after the third photos...