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Tuesday, 29 July 2008

You Fail

















Monday, 28 July 2008

POLICE: Website's report an attempt to sabotage investigations, confuse public


Police have dismissed reports on the Internet that a private hospital doctor had not found any medical evidence of sodomy by Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s accuser as another attempt to sabotage police investigations.
Deputy Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar said the reports were also aimed at confusing the people.

Police, he said, were considering investigating the news website and a blog over their reports, which referred to a medical report allegedly issued by Pusrawi Hospital on Jalan Tun Razak.

The news report claimed that there was no evidence that Anwar’s former aide Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan had been sodomised.

However, Ismail declined to comment on the medical report itself, saying investigations were ongoing.
Mohd Saiful had alleged that he had been sodomised by the de facto leader of Parti Keadilan Rakyat.

Ismail also quashed rumours that Dr Mohamed Osman Abdul Hamid, the Pusrawi Hospital medical officer who examined Mohd Saiful on June 28, had been picked up by police.

“Mohamed Osman’s statement had been recorded by police earlier on in the investigation, as such, rumours circulating about his arrest by police are untrue,” Ismail said.

Attempts to get in touch with Pusrawi Hospital officials were futile as all questions were met with a “No comment” answer.

According to the news website, Dr Mohamed Osman had examined Mohd Saiful about four hours before lodging a police report alleging he had been sexually assaulted by Anwar.

Mohd Saiful went to the hospital about 2pm on June 28 complaining of ’tenesmus’, a medical term for difficulty and pain in passing motion.

Dr Mohamed Osman, a Burmese Muslim, is said to be on leave.

Source: The New Straits Times

The Sensintrovert: Dr Mohamed Osman Abdul Hamid of Hospital Pusrawi Claimed That Saiful Bukhari Wasn't Sodomised - No Sign of Anal Intrusion/Per-Rectal Bleeding

Malaysia-Today: Doctor on the run: police want him to fabricate evidence against Anwar

Susan Loone: Saiful was never sodomised by Anwar…

Sunday, 27 July 2008

Funny Mamee Sllrrrp Ads


Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Misadventure of Apek and Ali


Two old friends - Apek and Ali were having a conversation recently ....

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: ?!! err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aahh ... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: ???!!! err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: ??! Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers)

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau..

Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang..

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja..

Bukan potong zaka la..... proton saga........

Friday, 18 July 2008

Human Resource Memo


To all Employees:

Effective TODAY

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Holidays

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Husbands and Boyfriends...beware


Husbands and boyfriends...if you all are thinking of having an affair, be prepared for the consequences.










Saturday, 12 July 2008

Police Speed Trap


A policeman hiding behind a fruit stall to catch speedsters

There is once a man called Ah Beng...


Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

====
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

====
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

====
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

====
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the
Fisherman's Wharf at Taman Desa last night, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

====
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching ManU bungkus Locky Blu's Stoke City,what... '

====
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

====
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

====
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

====
Ah Beng in
National Press Club and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

====
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

====
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

====
Ah Beng told his maid: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take umbrella and go.'

====
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Friday, 11 July 2008

Ah Beng and Numbers


You might like it. This is hilarious.....even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Thursday, 10 July 2008

Theory about our so called Malaysian 'Subsidy' System


A man called Kesian Rakyat owns a farm which can produce 10 apples every day. He has 5 workers to operate the farm. Each of them eats 1 apple daily and it is enough to keep them operating the farm normally. The remaining 4 apples, the landlord sells them at RM10 each and he earns RM40. He uses RM25 to improve the farm operation and facilities. He gives RM2.00 to each of his workers and he keeps the remaining RM5.00 as profit. Day by day, the farm is well developed and all of the 5 workers are happy with the money they can save.When Kasian Rakyat passed away and there is a new landlord,Chekek Rakyat comes to continue the farm operation. He says to the workers: "We need to improve the farm quality and redefine our way of thinking. From now on all of you only need to pay RM1.00 for each apple you eat. It is very cheap as the price is RM10 each outside the farm." The workers have no choice but to pay RM1.00 for the apple they eat daily. Their earnings decrease from RM2.00 to RM1.00 per person. As usual, Chekek Rakayt sells the 4 apples and he gets RM40. He uses RM25 for farm improvement and pays RM10 to his 5 workers. He gets RM5.00 as profit. On top of that, he gets another RM5.00 from the apples that he sells to his workers. In total, he gets RM10 as profit every day.Soon, the apple price increases to RM20 each. The new landlord gets a higher profit as he gets RM80 for the 4 apples he sells daily. Then, he decides to give the farming improvement contract to one of his close friends, Samy Serigala (Cunning Fox). Samy Serigala (Cunning Fox ) says: "Apple cost naik, improvement cost also misti naik." So, the farm improvement cost increases from RM25 to RM50. In actual fact, the improvement only cost RM30. The remaining RM20, Chekek Rakyat and Samy Serigala share evenly among themselves.

Let’s calculate how much Chekek Rakyat gets daily:
RM10 (from farm improvement cost)RM20 (Net profit by selling 4 apples: [Gross profit, RM80] - [Improvement cost, RM50] - [Wages RM10] = RM20)RM5 (from selling apples to his workers)
In total,Chekek Rakyat gets RM35 daily compared to RM10 initially when he took over the farm from Kesian Rakyat . His profit increases RM25 and the workers are still getting RM1.00 daily per person. The greedy Chekek Rakyat does not want to stop there. One day, he says to his fellow workers: "You see ah, the current market price for one apple is RM20 and you are only paying RM1. See how lucky you are! I have to SUBSIDISE RM19.00 for each of the apples you buy and total I need to SUBSIDISE RM95.00.

This will greatly burden the farm and we might get bankrupt if we continue like this. In order to avoid bankruptcy, I need to increase the apple price that you buy from RM1.00 to RM1.50 and I will bear the remaining RM18.50 per apple as my subsidy to you all." So, greedy Chekek Rakyat adds RM2.50 to his current profit and the number becomes RM37.50.After you have read the story, I am sure you have already understood the meaning of “SUBSIDY” given by the government.

The RM95 subsidy never existed in the first place and neither did the RM52 billion fuel subsidy generously “given” by the government.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Press having a great 'PUN' time on Anwar's sodomy allegation



[Click image to enlarge pic]


From the Malaysiakini.com and republished at this website

[Click image to enlarge pic]