BAIKONUR (Kazakhstan): At exactly 9.23pm (Malaysian time), the Soyuz -FG rocket launcher blasted off from the Baikonur Cosmodrome.
The rocket launcher, carrying the Soyuz TMA-II spacecraft with Malaysian cosmonaut Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor and his crew members on board, lit up the clear night sky.
Witnesses to the event from the launch view, three kilometres away from the launch pad, felt the ground shake from the enormous thrust of the launcher.
VIPs and guests who witnessed the launch included Dr Sheikh Muszaphar’s proud parents Datuk Sheikh Mustapha Shukor and Datin Zuraida Sheikh Ahmad.
Dr Sheikh Muszaphar, Nasa’s commander Peggy Whitson - the first female International Space Station (ISS) commander - and Russian Yuri Malechencko comprise Expedition 16S, which will make a trip to the ISS and return on Oct 21.
Some two hours before the launch, all communication systems (telephone lines, mobile telephone lines and TV) were cut off in Baikonur to block the airwaves and ensure contact with the crew was not disrupted in any way. A blackout was also experienced as the power supply was drained by the launch.
During the launch, road and rail traffic were also halted as a safety measure.
The crews' big day began when they walked out of the Cosmonaut Hotel, which is not a guest hotel but actually a branch of the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Centre where they were quarantined.
They boarded a bus that took them to the launch pad, seven hours prior to the launch. On the bus, they watched a 10-minute video of their friends and families wishing them bon voyage.
The bus stopped midway for a ritual that has been performed by cosmonauts since the time of Yuri Gagarin – the male crew urinated on the bus tyres.
At the launch pad, they made their “last walk”, which was the last chance for family members and people to see them from a distance at the Cosmodrome.
The three put on their custom-made Sukol space suit before they went through a formal military ceremony and shook hands with important guests, including the Prime Minister of Kazakhstan, Russian Federal Space Agency chief Perminov Anatoli Nikolaevich, Kazakh Space Agency chief Musabaev Talgat Amangeldievish and Malaysian Ambassador to Russia Datuk Mohamad Khalis Ali Hassan.
About four hours to the launch, the crew were hoisted to the capsule using an elevator. They were strapped to their seats and went through system checks.
Forty-five minutes to the launch, the rocket’s service gantry was removed, the flight programme loaded and the crews' space suits were checked for air tightness.
Unlike a shuttle launch, the Soyuz rocket launch has no countdown - blast off occurs when everything is in place and set to go.
The rocket’s four lateral boosters were started 29 seconds to launch. Then it was blast off, during which the gravity pull was 4G.
The rocket shot up at a speed of 800km per second to reach orbit in two minutes.
Two minutes into launch, the four lateral boosters were jettisoned, and the gravity pull was reduced to 1.5G.
When the core stage engine fired at full thrust, gravity force climbed to 3G.
Third-stage separation occurred at 8.48 seconds into launch, when the space capsule was fully separated.
It took about nine minutes for Soyuz to enter zero gravity, after which it will orbit the earth for two days before docking with the ISS, a process that will take two to three hours.
Prior to docking, the cosmonauts will be strapped to their seats the entire time.
Once in orbit, the mission will be taken over by the Mission Control Centre in Moscow.
Source: The Star Online
3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.
Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"
Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"
The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."
Mahathir finally sends a Malaysian into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the Malaysian astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.
Once in orbit, the Malaysian waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:
"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"
The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Malaysian astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.
The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:
"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"
The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Malaysian astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"
Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"
Finally, the monkey rejoins the Malaysian astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.
THe screen flickers and the message appears....
"Prepare for new instructions...."
A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....
"Malaysian astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"
The Malaysian astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...
The screen flickers again....
"Malaysian astronaut, please feed the monkey"
1 comment:
Yeah. Stupid joke.
Orang bodoh yang tiada idea untuk buat lawak. Curi idea orang asing dan translate. Stupid, damn stupid.
FM,
U can do much better than this lah.
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