Types of men at the loo

FM: The next time you visit Public Urinal, here is a guide to a person's personality by the way he pissed.

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.

7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.

9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.

12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.

13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.

15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.

16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.

17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.