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What is this?

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It's a Baby Panda :)

First time on a plane...I guess

Chopping The Cherry Tree...

Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. George gives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe . His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted bravely admitting the truth :-

'I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell
a lie. I did cut it with my axe.'


This is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question :-

PM Badawi -
I did not cut down the tree, I was just taking a nap underneath it.

Najib -
I swear that I have never MET that tree.

Hishamuddin-
... but I only own a keris, not axe, how to cut down the tree.

Dr.M -
Apa nama cherry tree, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.

Chua Soi Lek -
Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.

VK Lingam -
It could be me, it might have been me but I don't think it's me.

Anwar Ibrahim -
I DID NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA samples for you to plant on the axe handle.

Khir Toyo -
the new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.

Ahmad Said ( TerrenganuMB)-
I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.

Azalina Othman -
The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down. Besides there were unauthorized signboards put up around the tree.

Shabery Cheek -
I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.

Samy Velu -
I chopped it because HINDRAF members were using it as a meeting point

Wira Ali Rustam -
We have planted Durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple trees, pear trees and all these other foreign trees.

Rais Yatim -
You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain, Ali Rustan said that are against our national identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see- it's a WIN-WIN situation all around.

Sharir Samad -
I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidize it.

Karpal Singh -
The bigfoot creature did it.

Bung Mokhtar -
The big monkey did it

Pandikar Amin Mulia -
There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees, Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.sit down.

Khairy Jamaluddin -
I did not do it, neither did the mat rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree ?

Lim Kit Siang -
In response to Khairy - cherry tree also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford.

Nazri Aziz -
racist, racist, racist, when we cut down durian trees nobody
made a fuss.

Malaysian Citizens -
oh for heaven's sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death.

Wedding Invitation

[Click to enlarge picture]

How men change after married?

The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn ' t love you, then why did I marry you?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I ' m home!
After 6 months: I ' m BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?

Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it ' s for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!

Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??

New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I ' m going to watch PIRATES play, if you ' re not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!

Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I ' m suffocating here!!!!

Bad English

This is one of the reason why Tun Dr. Mahathir is pushing Malaysian to improve their command of English.

Welder’s love plans unscrewed

JOHOR BARU: A welder who tried to elongate his penis with a nut found himself in a pickle when the nut got stuck after he had an erection.

The victim, from Taman Sri Skudai, had apparently been trying to increase the length of his penis ahead of his engagement next week when disaster struck.

It is learnt that the incident occurred on Thursday and the 20-something-year-old victim went to the Sultanah Aminah Hospital here to seek treatment when he was unable to get the nut off himself.

Unfortunately, hospital authorities were at a loss and had to call the Fire and Rescue Department for assistance.

A department spokesman confirmed that they received a call from the hospital yesterday, and sent seven firemen to help out.

They, too, were unable to remove the nut.

At press time, the nut was still firmly attached to the base of the man’s genitals.

This is the second case in the past week involving objects stuck on penises. On Aug 25, firemen were summoned to the University Malaya Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur to cut a steel ring from a patient’s penis after numerous attempts by doctors failed to dislodge it. It is believed the patient, in his 20s, had slipped the ring onto his penis to increase his sexual prowess.

Source: The Star Online

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

FM: received this email from a friend. Enjoy!

Answers from the USA

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...


DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C%
.......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

ALGORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

====================================

Answers from Malaysians and Singaporeans

LEE KUAN YEW (Former Prime Minister Singapore):
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should be able to cross safely to the other side.

LEE HSIEN LOONG (Current Prime Minister Singapore):
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

ABDULLAH BADAWI (Current Prime Minister Malaysia):
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR (Former Prime Minister Malaysia who MUST migrate now):
Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road? How can they disrespect and disregard the bumi chickens? We must be allowed to crossover first. It is our right!

SAMY VELU (Former Minister of Works Malaysia):
After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the road.

ANWAR (Opposition party leader Malaysia – now PM-in-Waiting)):
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

My little Contribution. Feel free to come up with your own. After all, this is what Democracy is all about.

Najib (DPM Malaysia – Now looking for eggs before they become more chickens)
Dead chickens can’t cross the road. I blew them up with C4 !

Saiful (Najib;s Rear Intelligence)
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I will find out.

SIL ( AIR Apparent – Apparently)
If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too.

Syed Hamid Alba (Home Minister cum DNA Profiler wannabe)
Are you sure it was a chicken and not a duck?. Are you sure there is no sinister motive? Let’s wait for the DNA results. (DNA- Does Not Apply)

KellyvilleACE
In the interest of Democracy, Equality, Accountability, and Transparency, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

ALL ANAK ANAK BANGSA of the NEW MALAYSIA !!
What chicken? This Rooster has come home to rule!!


Do not underestimate the POWER of ONE
I now ONE to make Malaysia my FIRST HOME -AUSTRALIA

Temple offers condo for the dead

GEORGE TOWN: For the Hungry Ghosts festival this year, a temple here has prepared something special for the earthquake and cyclone victims of Sichuan, China and Myanmar – two luxury condominium towers.

The 5.5m-high paper effigy, along with other offerings, were burnt outside the Lebuhraya Jelutong temple yesterday in line with the Chinese belief that those in the afterlife would receive them.

“We wanted to do something special this year, so when the temple committee asked for a effigy design, I came up with a condo concept. This way, there is a lot of space for all the victims to have a home,” said Teong Leng Keong temple secretary Ong Ooi Huan, 50.

“The earthquake and cyclone victims have been added to the list of people that temple devotees are praying for, so we hope this offering will do something to appease their souls,” Ong said, adding that the effigy took two weeks to make.

A contractor by profession, Ong said he based the design on a super condominium on the island which has been dubbed Penang’s “mini Petronas Twin Towers.”

It took eight people to move the structure, which was built complete with a three-storey basement car park and swimming pool.

The bright blue effigy was then set alight alongside two 3m-high kim chua (joss-paper) structures created by visiting Thai devotees.

“Thai devotees have been invited to celebrate the Hungry Ghost festival at this temple annually for the last five years.

“It’s great to visit the island and be able to help out in the celebration,” said Thai national Lau Siew Mei, 55.

Source: The Star Online

Different Terminology

School:
A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.! :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Banned guinness commercial

Funny Mamee Sllrrrp Ads

Human Resource Memo

To all Employees:

Effective TODAY

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Holidays

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Husbands and Boyfriends...beware

Husbands and boyfriends...if you all are thinking of having an affair, be prepared for the consequences.

Police Speed Trap

A policeman hiding behind a fruit stall to catch speedsters

Ah Beng and Numbers

You might like it. This is hilarious.....even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Theory about our so called Malaysian 'Subsidy' System

A man called Kesian Rakyat owns a farm which can produce 10 apples every day. He has 5 workers to operate the farm. Each of them eats 1 apple daily and it is enough to keep them operating the farm normally. The remaining 4 apples, the landlord sells them at RM10 each and he earns RM40. He uses RM25 to improve the farm operation and facilities. He gives RM2.00 to each of his workers and he keeps the remaining RM5.00 as profit. Day by day, the farm is well developed and all of the 5 workers are happy with the money they can save.When Kasian Rakyat passed away and there is a new landlord,Chekek Rakyat comes to continue the farm operation. He says to the workers: "We need to improve the farm quality and redefine our way of thinking. From now on all of you only need to pay RM1.00 for each apple you eat. It is very cheap as the price is RM10 each outside the farm." The workers have no choice but to pay RM1.00 for the apple they eat daily. Their earnings decrease from RM2.00 to RM1.00 per person. As usual, Chekek Rakayt sells the 4 apples and he gets RM40. He uses RM25 for farm improvement and pays RM10 to his 5 workers. He gets RM5.00 as profit. On top of that, he gets another RM5.00 from the apples that he sells to his workers. In total, he gets RM10 as profit every day.Soon, the apple price increases to RM20 each. The new landlord gets a higher profit as he gets RM80 for the 4 apples he sells daily. Then, he decides to give the farming improvement contract to one of his close friends, Samy Serigala (Cunning Fox). Samy Serigala (Cunning Fox ) says: "Apple cost naik, improvement cost also misti naik." So, the farm improvement cost increases from RM25 to RM50. In actual fact, the improvement only cost RM30. The remaining RM20, Chekek Rakyat and Samy Serigala share evenly among themselves.

Let’s calculate how much Chekek Rakyat gets daily:
RM10 (from farm improvement cost)RM20 (Net profit by selling 4 apples: [Gross profit, RM80] - [Improvement cost, RM50] - [Wages RM10] = RM20)RM5 (from selling apples to his workers)
In total,Chekek Rakyat gets RM35 daily compared to RM10 initially when he took over the farm from Kesian Rakyat . His profit increases RM25 and the workers are still getting RM1.00 daily per person. The greedy Chekek Rakyat does not want to stop there. One day, he says to his fellow workers: "You see ah, the current market price for one apple is RM20 and you are only paying RM1. See how lucky you are! I have to SUBSIDISE RM19.00 for each of the apples you buy and total I need to SUBSIDISE RM95.00.

This will greatly burden the farm and we might get bankrupt if we continue like this. In order to avoid bankruptcy, I need to increase the apple price that you buy from RM1.00 to RM1.50 and I will bear the remaining RM18.50 per apple as my subsidy to you all." So, greedy Chekek Rakyat adds RM2.50 to his current profit and the number becomes RM37.50.After you have read the story, I am sure you have already understood the meaning of “SUBSIDY” given by the government.

The RM95 subsidy never existed in the first place and neither did the RM52 billion fuel subsidy generously “given” by the government.

Press having a great 'PUN' time on Anwar's sodomy allegation

From the BorneoPost Online

[Click image to enlarge pic]

From the Malaysiakini.com and republished at this website

[Click image to enlarge pic]

Voted the most logical sign of the year

Beer Now Cheaper Than Gas! "Drink, Don't Drive"

The Buffalo Theory: Why Drinking Alcohol is Good for YOU?

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . .. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'


Cheers to The Buffalo Theory...