Test for Dementia

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.







1. What do you put in a toaster?
(Don't Scroll down until you have an answer)
















Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.







2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
(Don't Scroll down until you have an answer)














Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't

attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.







3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
(Don't Scroll down until you have an answer)

















Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???

If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.










4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Ger many and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land'?
(Don't Scroll down until you have an answer)























Answer: You don't bury survivors.

If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.




5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus; In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was t he name of the bus driver?
(Don't Scroll down until you have an answer)

























Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!










Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

Shell Citibank Credit Card - A Cash Draining Card

FM:Have you guys heard about the CitiBank-Shell Credit Card that is being promoted at Shell Stations around Malaysia. Before you guys sign-up for the CitiBank-Shell Credit Card, please have a read below. Sometimes when you subscribe to credit card, we all don't read the fine print.

Are you fancy of getting a credit card that offers 5% rebate on shell petrol and 1.5% rebate on other purchases?

If your answer is yes, then you are draining your money away!

The newly launched Shell Citibank credit card is not as good as its sounds - to enjoy the rebate, you must have a carry forward balance. Yes, a carry forward balance that you have to pay Citibank 18% interest per annum. But that's is not all, your so called 'rebate' is based on your current month spending. That means if you have a carry forward of RM10,000 but did not use the card at all for the current month, you get 'zero' rebate.

To be precise, this 'rebate' card is an old card - it has been around for about 2 years. But now taking advantage of the fuel cost concern, Citibank co-branded it with Shell.

This is how the rebate scheme works:
· First, you need to have a carry forward balance. The amount of that carry forward determines the rebate rate (%) that the card holder is getting.


· Then based on your current month spend, you will get the rebate (as shown by the rebate table above) - your rebate is not based on your total carry forward balance. Repeat: your rebate is not based on your total carry forward balance, but current month spending

In short, to get your 'rebate' you must have at least of RM2,000 outstanding balance in you card AND continue use the card. The outstanding balance is the net of previous month balance minus current month payment. If you do that, every month you will be paying RM30.00, or RM360 a year for the minimum RM2,000 outstanding balance.

Let's do a simple math here:

If you spend RM500/mth on shell petrol and your classic card has a RM2,000 outstanding balance, at 1.5%, you are getting RM7.50 as 'rebate', while at the same time, paying RM30.00 for the interest. The 'nett' profit for Citibank is RMRM22.50. Your are essentially "over paying" 4 times the price (30/7.5)

To 'break even' (so that your RM30.00 interest payment = rebate value), you need to pump RM2,000 shell petrol a month, or charge RM6,000 a month for non-shell related purchases.

The USD100.00 per barrel of crude oil won't kills you, but the Citi-Shell card will.

Singaporeans blur on sex

MANY Singaporeans have been seeking help from doctors on how to have sexual intercourse, Sin Chew Daily reported yesterday.

Singapore Thomson Medical Centre (TMC) founder Dr Cheng Wei Chen said the hospital received several people every month, mostly university graduates, seeking their guidance on how to “do it”.

Its urology senior consultant Dr Lin Fa Cai said he once treated a woman who was married for 10 years and supposedly had sex more than 1,000 times, but was still a virgin.

Dr Lin said the husband, who had a doctorate degree, and his wife, who complained of being unable to conceive, sought help at the hospital.

“The couple told me they had sex about three times a week but when I examined the wife, her hymen was still intact.

“He had a doctorate degree but zero knowledge on sex,” he said.

Another doctor, who declined to be named, said a couple in their 30s sought help from Mount Elizabeth Hospital and Medical Centre for failing to conceive after seven years of marriage.

He said he found no problem with the couple but later discovered that the husband withdrew just before ejaculating.

Source: The Star Online

The Right Brain vs Left Brain test

The Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise? If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses logic detail oriented facts rule words and language present and past math and science can comprehend knowing acknowledges order/pattern perception knows object name reality based forms strategies practical safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses feeling "big picture" oriented imagination rules symbols and images present and future philosophy & religion can "get it" (i.e. meaning) believes appreciates spatial perception knows object function fantasy based presents possibilities impetuous risk taking

Source: The News.com

Car versus Lorry Launching

CAR LAUNCHING

LORRY LAUNCHING

Setarbak Kopi or Starbucks?

Name sounds familiar...

I guess StarBucks may have ripped off...Setarbak Kopi. Shame on you Starbucks, shame on you!

Watch Ipod Video On Your TV the Cheap Way

This simple technique shows you how to connect your ipod video to your television easily and for very cheap.

FM does not guarantee this will work. Any attempt to do funny things on your Ipod is solely at your own discretion


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Change Traffic Lights With A Universal Remote!

That's right! Now you can change traffic lights with just a remote control that can be found at any store, and I'll show you how! For instuctional purposes only.

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How to Change TV Channels Using a Mini Torch Light?

What happen if you've misplaced your TV remote or your TV remote is no longer working and you desperately need to change your TV channel to watch the English Premiere League. Oh no...what are you going to do. Fret no more, as FM malaysia have discovered a cool watch to change your TV channel by using this 3 simple items (1) A mini Maglite torch light (2) floppy disk (3) mini magnifying glass. For demonstration on how to convert the mini Maglite torch light to a TV remote, check out this cool video

Hey, if the "Mini Torch Light TV Remote" does not work, the alternative solution is to get your big fat butt off the couch and change the TV channels manually.

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Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a baby named 4Real or is it Superman!

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A New Zealand couple is looking to call their newborn son Superman -- but only because their chosen name of 4Real has been rejected by the government registry.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton say they will get around the decision by the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages by officially naming their son Superman but referring to him as 4Real, the New Zealand Herald newspaper has reported.

The Wheatons decided on the name after seeing the baby for the first time in an ultrasound scan and realising their baby was "for real".

They decided 4Real was the best way to write it, but the name was rejected because the registrar said a name had to be a sequence of characters.

Pat Wheaton said he was considering appealing against the decision through the courts, but whatever happens he won't be budged on his choice.

"No matter what its going to stay 4Real," Wheaton told the Herald, "I'm certainly not a quitter".

A spokesman for the Department of Internal Affairs, which operates the registry told the Herald discussions with the Wheatons about their son's name were continuing.

The baby is now two months old, after the Wheatons first applied to register his name in later June.

Source: The Star Online

Sarawakian proud to be named after country: Malaysia Tambi

MIRI: People are amused when he tells them his name. And he has to produce his identity card to prove that he is not lying.

Malaysia Tambi does not mind the inconvenience though.

He is proud that his grandfather Cikgu Suntong had named him after the country when he was born on Sept 16, 1963, the day that his state, Sarawak, as well as Sabah, joined Malaya to become Malaysia.

“It is difficult for people I meet for the first time to accept the fact that my name is Malaysia. I have to produce my identity card as proof,” the 44-year-old Malaysia said at his house here.

Seeing is believing: Malaysia often has to produce his identity card to prove that his name is Malaysia, but he does not mind the inconvenience.
The second of five siblings has had many “hilarious” moments in his life as, over the years, his name startled his classmates, teachers, employers, co-workers, and even his wife Lucy Buda (now Rozana Abdullah).

When he went to apply for his identity card, an officer at the National Registration Department advised him to take an alias and he chose “Ali,” the name of one of his uncles.

Malaysia has been an engineering assistant with Malaysia Airlines since 1997. Prior to that he was in the oil and gas industry here.

“Like the other people, my wife-to-be then and her parents were also taken aback when I said that my name was Malaysia. Again, I had to produce my identity card,” said Malaysia, who married Rozana in 1987. They have four children.

“I am proud that I may be one of the few people who share our names with our motherland,” said Malaysia, who also goes by the name “Mel.” – Bernama

Source: The Star Online

Convert Your Normal Digital Camera to X-Ray Camera

For those who have not heard this, you can actually convert your normal digital video camera into an infra red x-ray video camera. This 'technology' was accidentally discovered by a video-grapher who noticed that when you put your digital video camera in 'infra red mode/night vision mode' and used a special video camera lens filter, you're able to see through fabric.

Normal Digital Video Camera Setting

Using Infra Red/Night Vision Mode + Lens filter

Unfortunately, this 'technology' was extensively used for voyeur activities.

The digital video camera mainly used for this illicit activities was the SONY TRV series (e.g. TRV900). This led to the recall of the SONY TRV series when the 'problem' was discovered. Here is a brief explanation on how X-Ray Digital Video Camera work:

"Firstly one important point : The term "x-ray" was coined to describe the effect that filming with infrared light only has on certain types of fabric. It does not mean that this technique uses real x-rays like a hospital or dentist uses.

This filming technique takes advantage of the fact that certain camcorders, in night-vision mode are very sensitive to infrared light. Much more so than an ordinary camcorder.

Infrared light has a longer wave length than visible light which causes less of it to be reflected by certain types of material and fabric than visible light is.

The effect is that the light passes through the fabric, reflects off anything underneath and passes back out through the fabric again. This effectively renders the fabric semi-transparent - it typically takes on a "net curtain" type appearance, similar to very sheer clothing. In some cases the fabric is barely visible when viewed this way.

In order to see this effect, it is necessary to filter out all visible light entering the lens. The reason is simple:

When the visible light is reflected by the fabric it obscures any image which would be visible with only infrared.

It's surprising the number of people who fail to realise the importance of the filter.

You cannot film infrared x-rays in daylight without an infrared filter!

Imagine trying to look at someone in a dimly lit place while they are shining a torch at your eyes. You cannot see them at all, but block out the torch light and you can see the person clearly." Read further...

FM discovered that this technology is not confined to Digital Video Camera but your normal DIGITAL CAMERA as well. The following is an instructional video on how to convert your normal digital camera into an "X-Ray" camera. Please do not abuse this secret by taking naughty photos :)

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How to Shower like a Woman or Man?

How to Shower Like a Woman?

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way,cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. Turn off shower
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man?

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on floor

Funny Facts - World Most Popular First Name

The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. One of the well known sports man having that name is Muhammad Ali. In Malaysia, there are more than 2 million people having that name or its variation.

Funny Chinese Proverbs

Virginity like bubble - one prick all gone

Man who run in front of car get tired

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

Man with one chopstick go hungry

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money


Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it

Man who drive like hell bound to get there

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs

Man who farts in church sits in own pew

Crowded elevator smells different to midget

When Website Advertisement Goes Awry?

Website advertisements employ a simple technology that 'reads' the content of the website (and most times the geographical location of the readers) and display advertisements that are most relevant to it. We can't totally blame the website advertisement technology as it tries to be as 'intuitive' as possible to be relevant to the website content. But sometimes, the displayed advertisements may appear insensitive but funny at the same time. Below are real screen shots of advertisements displayed on some popular websites.

[Click on image to enlarge the picture]

Funny Facts: The Secrets of Women's Language Revealed

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has when she wants to cut you, slice you and cover you with hot bacon grease. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare so don't be an idiot. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows)
This means, "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't give a d*&#. You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot, moron or troll at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here with your sorry ass, and arguing with you over "Nothing."

Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not to move, flinch or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh!
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that", or: "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. Run far, run fast and NEVER EVER look back. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your PC, DVD player and big screen TV out the 11th floor window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a big ol' greasy lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and the statement "Go ahead", all followed by unspeakable acts so hideous they are unprintable.

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before implementing payback. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. "That's okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you'd better be ready. You're gonna look like a Section 8 eviction, shit all out on the curb. Check your mirrors for the next 6 months. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.

Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to dig the hole you're in even deeper as you try to come up with an excuse or reason for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a chance to tell the truth ... but don't. Lie like a rug and stick to it like Velcro. STICK TO THE LIE!!! But be careful you don't get a "That's okay". If you do, stick and move baby, stick and move. Skillets and pots will be flyin.

Thanks
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint or pee yourself; just say you're welcome and don't move the rest of the day.

Thanks a Lot
This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks a Lot" when she is really about to "catch a case". It's 'bout to be on, up in here. It signifies that you have hurt her in some cold, callous way. She will probably call her 4 brothers to come over and mop the street with your brains. These words are usually followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

You did WHAT?
This means she found out about that hoochie across town and you'd better crawl out the window and creep up the sidewalk like a cat. She's about to get her piece, so step ... and step hard. Forget your car, just run and hide. You can come back and get your ride. If "You did WHAT?" is followed by "you bastard", hit the floor immediately, cause she's about to set the chamber on that 9 that she keeps under the pillow.

FM: Received this through forwarded email from a friend

Funny Facts - The RAHMAN Theory

The RAHMAN Theory, a theory that supposedly predicts who will be the next Prime Minister of Malaysia. This theory, according to some sources started to brew around the time when Tun Mahathir went into office in the 80's. Basically, the word R.A.H.M.A.N is the acronym of the Malaysian Prime Minister's name.

R - Abdul Rahman

A - Abdul Razak

H - Hussein Onn







M - Mahathir Mohamad

A - Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

Everyone thought it was Anwar Ibrahim that will succeed Mahathir. When Mahathir sack Anwar Ibrahim, he managed to get someone else with the initial 'A' to replace him - Spooky!

N - Najib Tun Razak?


If we are to believe the RAHMAN Theory - is Najib Tun Razak the next Malaysian Prime Minister? I guess time will tell

Funny Facts - Nobel Prize Medal

The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders! FM things one of the gentlemen is enjoying himself - you tell me?

Funny Facts - Miss Piggy of the Muppet Show

Muppett Show banned in Saudi Arabia because one of the main characters of the show is a pig. Ms Piggy.