English Language Grammar lesson on the word Fu@k

FM notice that Malaysians nowadays are not well verse in the English language. More so, when it comes to swearing. FM is not encouraging Malaysian to swear, but if you do swear at least make an attempt to understand the context of the swear words. One of the most used swear word in the English dictionary is of course the word "FU@K". But to use the word "FU@K" - context, enunciation and tone is critical. FM will like to educate Malaysians on how to properly used the word "FU@K". Check out this ground breaking video

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Under probe: Senior cop with RM27,000,000

KUALA LUMPUR: A senior police officer at Bukit Aman is being investigated by the Anti-Corruption Agency for abuse of power and failing to declare RM27 million worth of assets.

It is understood that the officer is also a company director and the RM27 million fortune was amassed illegally.

Sources familiar with the case said ACA officers from Putrajaya took a statement from the officer at his office yesterday.

"The officer, who is in his 50s, is a director of a company which was awarded a project in April to develop an area in Lahad Datu," a source said.

"Several villagers voiced their opposition to the project when the company staff went to the area to do surveying work.
"The police officer allegedly ordered the villagers to be arrested," the source added.

The ACA started its investigation following an anonymous telephone call about two weeks ago.

This led to the discovery of the officer’s assets.

The officer is being investigated for failing to declare his position as a director in a company, failing to declare RM27 million worth of assets and properties accumulated over an undisclosed period of time and alleged abuse of power.

"As a public or government servant, the wealth amassed by this police officer is quite excessive and the ACA would like an explanation," the source said.

On July 18, the deputy public prosecutor issued a letter under Section 32 of the Anti-Corruption Act 1997 to the police officer giving him 30 days to declare his assets.

There is also a subsection under Section 32 which makes it an offence for failing to make a declaration after the expiry of the 30 days.

"It is quite obvious at present that this police officer has been living beyond his means and the ACA will continue to probe until there is a satisfactory answer or explanation," the source said.

At present, the police officer has not been detained nor have his assets been frozen, he added.

Source: The New Straits Times

This Smells Really Fishy

HIS ONE DIDN'T GET AWAY: It was a whopper that Ipoh restaurant owner Teoh Ooi Kui knew he must have for his kitchen pot. Teoh, 60, said he paid RM3,000 for the 1.8m black kerapu, which was caught off the Pantai Remis coast. He estimated that the fish portions could fill the bellies of 400 patrons. “It is about 30 years old and it is really difficult to catch a fish of this size as they tend to keep to the deeper parts of the ocean.”

Source of Picture: The New Straits Times (28/7/2007)


Update:

Top cop alleged to be plantation’s godfather

A HIGH-RANKING police officer at the centre of an Anti-Corruption Agency probe for undeclared assets worth about RM27 million, had allegedly played the role of ‘godfather’ to an oil palm plantation company in Sabah.

As he was a director of the company holding almost 5,000 shares, he was said to have used his influence in the force to act as an ‘enforcer’ for the company.

The man, in his 50s, is believed to head a department at the Federal police headquarters in Bukit Aman.

In early June, he allegedly used ‘godfather’ tactics when villagers prevented the company’s surveyors from carrying out work at 1,200 acres of land in Kampung Lok Buani, near Tanjung Labian, Lahad Datu.

It is learnt that as a result, the police officer was said to have instructed a Kota Kinabalu CID officer to detain the village headman, identified as Roslan Hamid, 42, for seven hours at the Lahad Datu police station.

The officer resorted to this after Lahad Datu policemen refused to heed his instruction to arrest Roslan.

A planter, E. Hassnar, said the villagers had lived in the area for more than 50 years and even applied for ownership.

Unfortunately, he said, their application for ownership was not entertained by the authorities.

“Recently, the company informed the villagers that Kampung Lok Buani would be demolished on Aug 31.

“Since then, they (villagers) have been guarding their land round-the-clock and are living in fear of an uncertain future.

“What they want is justice, and they have even sent a letter to the Chief Minister’s Office for his speedy intervention,” Hassnar said yesterday.

A check with the Companies Commission of Malaysia revealed that the police officer was appointed a director of the company on April 25 last year.

A CCM source said that it was against the law for a civil servant to hold a post in a company, as in this case, the police officer was still in service.

Two days ago, a media report said the officer is being investigated for failing to declare his position as a director in a company, and failing to declare RM27 million worth of assets and properties.

On July 18, the deputy public prosecutor issued a letter, under Section 32 of the Anti-Corruption Act 1997, to the police officer to declare his assets in 30 days.

Source: The Malay Mail

Malaysian Cars: Transformer

In the spirit of the awesome movie blockbuster Transformer: The Movie, our fellow Malaysian graphic artists have created a series of made in Malaysia Transformer cars.

WAJA


PERDANA
SAVY

MYVI

KANCIL

JUARA

Funny Chinese Proverbs

Virginity like bubble - one prick all gone

Man who run in front of car get tired

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

Man with one chopstick go hungry

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money


Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it

Man who drive like hell bound to get there

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs

Man who farts in church sits in own pew

Crowded elevator smells different to midget

Calls for RM30 sex puzzle hair stylist

KUALA LUMPUR: Hair stylist Wong Yoke Fui, 26, dreads it when her handphone rings.
It’s not that she is anti-social: It’s just that she has been receiving more than 30 calls a day since July 23 from people wanting sexual services.

She is puzzled as to why someone had posted her number on the Internet.

"The men told me that an IRC (Internet Relay Chat) chat-room had posted my contact number and an offer of sexual services at RM30 per session," she said.

Wong, who is married, said some of the callers responded with vulgarities when she told them that she was a decent person.
"I don’t know who posted the messages and can’t think of anyone who would do this to me," she said.

Wong’s husband, who declined to be identified, pretended to be her and took down details of a frequent caller.

He lodged a report yesterday at the Shah Alam police station.

MCA Head of Public Services and Complaints Department, Datuk Michael Chong, said the department had identified the person and was co-operating with police on the matter.

Chong said he had come across seven cases of young women who had become victims of sexual harassment after their names and phone numbers were posted on the Internet.

"Most of these cases involved jilted ex-boyfriends or rejected men who want revenge," he said.

Source: The New Straits Times

Ella Sex Video Clip Poser

DESPITE her gritty image as Malaysia’s undisputed queen of rock, Nor Zila Aminuddin aka Ella, has never been the subject of any major scandals.

Unlike many of her peers, Penang-born Ella has, in her glittering 21-year career, managed to maintain a relatively squeaky clean image, with most of the attention focusing on her music.

However, local Internet forums were abuzz last week following rumours that the rock queen had become embroiled in a sex video scandal.

A 36-second video clip, allegedly featuring Ella and her sister, Jojie, engaging in sexual activities on board a cruise ship, was making its rounds on the Internet.

In the clip, a woman, supposedly resembling Ella, was seen clad in a blue towel while another couple in another corner of the room were engaged in a sexual act.

So, was it really her? “Trust me. If it was really me, I would have gone into hiding,” said Ella when contacted by The Malay Mail yesterday.

Ella said she was aware of the video clip and could not believe her eyes when she saw that the clip was being associated with her.

“I was amused at fi rst, then angry. I was fi lled with mixed emotions,” she said.

“I don’t know what were the intentions of these people who posted these clips and claiming that it was me. It’s just amazing the things that people are willing to say and do.

“Don’t they have any fear of sins and God?” Ella, however, remained philosophical over the issue. “I believe that God is fair; what goes around comes around,” she said.

She dismissed the possibility that her fans and members of the public would believe that it really was her in the clip.

“My fans and the public are not stupid. They all know that I’m not that kind of person,” she said.

On whether she will take action against those who posted the clips and claimed that it was her, Ella said she’s willing to drop the matter, at least for the time being.

“However, if things get blown out of proportion and it goes on to damage my reputation, then I won’t hesitate to take legal action,” she said.

On a happier note, Ella said her career is going smoothly as she is busy promoting her latest album, Rama-Rama II: Edisi Emas.

She is also slated to do a duet with fellow singer Ajai for a special project to be released later this year.

“It’s a new song and it’s going to be featured in the Ajai With Friends compilation,” she said.


Source: The Malay Mail

Update:

PETALING JAYA: Rock singer Ella lodged a police report yesterday to quash rumours that she and her sister, Jojie, had been involved in a sex video.

The video clip, which supposedly features “Ella and Jojie” involved in sexual activities on board a cruise ship, has been widely spread on the Internet.

“We were shocked when we found out about it,” said Jojie when contacted yesterday.

“I don’t know what people's intentions were when they claimed that we were the persons in the clip. We hope to find the real culprit behind this.”

According to Jojie, she and her sister had wanted to ignore the gossip but after getting many enquiries from friends and fans of Ella, who is known as the Queen of Rock, both of them decided to lodge the police report at the Jalan Tun Razak station in Kuala Lumpur.

“We have watched the clip but the (faces were) not clear. Our family members were also upset, so we decided to lodge the report. If it was really us, of course we would not dare to make any report,” said Jojie, who added that the video could affect their reputations.

Jojie did not deny the possibility that the culprit's motive was to damage Ella’s career as a singer.

“We do not know who did this to us. I don’t think we have enemies. But one never knows,” said Jojie.

“Fortunately, Ella is strong enough to handle the matter. Though she was initially mad and frustrated, she still managed to handle it. Our family has also been very supportive as they know us better.

“Maybe we will hold a press conference later for further clarification on the case,” she said, adding that this was the worst rumour spread about her sister so far.

Saucy stories about the video clip had been given extensive coverage in Malay newspapers and an English tabloid recently.

Source: The Star Online

FM did a search in google (e.g. Google search terms: Ella on popular demand ) and found the supposedly Ella video. FM cannot verify whether this is the same video purportedly reported in the press. But based on the description of the alleged video clip in The Malay Mail, it could possibly be the same video. Upon viewing the alleged video, it is obvious it is NOT Ella. The conversation in the said video is obviously in Thai language, not Bahasa Malaysia. Further it is alleged that the video is taken on a cruise ship. Come on, it is obvious the setting is not on a cruise ship but rather (it seems like) some seedy room in an obscure back lane in Thailand. Verdict: A very poor attempt to pass off a Thai sex video clip for Ella. If the Press really viewed the video clip and listen to the conversation, which is in Thai, the conclusion is obvious.

Luah cinta, kikis harta: Kisah Gigolo Teksi Yang Terlampau

KUALA LUMPUR: Mereka pemandu teksi sambilan tetapi digelar ‘Gigolo Touch n Go’ berikutan gemar memperdayakan segelintir wanita dengan janji manis sebelum mengikis harta benda dan meniduri mangsa.

Selepas puas melampiaskan nafsu, pemandu teksi terbabit menghilangkan diri dengan meninggalkan mangsa mereka terkapai-kapai keseorangan.

Mereka yang bijak bermain kata-kata mencari penumpang wanita selepas waktu kerja dan ketika itulah, memanipulasi mangsa dengan pelbagai cerita menyayat hati, termasuk kisah hidup yang malang.

Ada antara pemandu teksi terbabit menceritakan kononnya mereka hidup kesepian selepas bercerai dan kini menduda sedangkan pada hakikatnya masih mempunyai isteri.

Sebaik mangsa termakan dengan cerita itu, pemandu teksi terbabit menawarkan khidmat menjemput pulang dari pejabat setiap hari.

Bermula dari situ, pelbagai janji manis ditabur dan perasaan cinta diluahkan kepada wanita berkenaan.

Untuk meyakinkan mangsa, mereka turut berani bersemuka dengan ahli keluarga wanita terbabit supaya tidak timbul keraguan, malah dapat meneguhkan lagi kasih sayang mereka.

Mangsa akhirnya menuruti setiap kemahuan ‘kekasihnya’ termasuk sanggup menyerahkan tubuh dan harta benda.

Seorang mangsa yang hanya mahu dikenali sebagai Effi, 30-an, berkata pemandu teksi terbabit yang bijak bermain kata-kata dipercayai menggunakan ilmu pukau terhadap mangsanya.

Katanya, dia serta beberapa rakan pernah menjadi mangsa kepada pemandu teksi seperti itu hingga dia pernah mengandungkan anak hasil hubungan dengan seorang daripada mereka.

“Saya turut terpedaya dengan kata-kata lelaki terbabit serta sanggup menyerahkan gaji dan barang kemas kepadanya.

“Selepas mendapati saya mengandung, dia mula menjauhkan diri dan mencari mangsa baru. Saya pula terpaksa menggugurkan kandungan,” katanya kepada Harian Metro.

Menurut Effi, ada rakannya yang kini hampir gila kerana turut ditipu pemandu teksi hidung belang hingga sanggup menyerahkan segala harta benda miliknya.

“Malah, dek mabuk dengan cinta dan janji manis lelaki itu, dia sanggup bermalam dan melakukan hubungan seks dalam teksi,” katanya.

Effi berkata, mereka tidak berani melaporkan kejadian itu kepada pihak berkuasa kerana bimbangkan maruah diri tercemar dan diketahui keluarga masing-masing.

“Pemandu teksi terbabit menggunakan nama palsu dan sering bertukar teksi bagi mengelak dikesan,” katanya.

Menurutnya, dia kesal dengan perbuatan golongan terbabit yang sanggup mencari makan dengan cara mudah dan menipu wanita sepertinya.

“Saya ingin menasihatkan wanita yang sering menggunakan teksi supaya berhati-hati dan jangan terpedaya dengan keramahan yang ditunjukkan pemandu pengangkutan awam itu.

“Mereka sanggup menggunakan 1,001 cara untuk membuatkan hati kita menyukai mereka,” katanya.

Bijak bermain kata-kata dipercayai menggunakan ilmu pukau terhadap mangsa.

Source: myMetro

When Website Advertisement Goes Awry?

Website advertisements employ a simple technology that 'reads' the content of the website (and most times the geographical location of the readers) and display advertisements that are most relevant to it. We can't totally blame the website advertisement technology as it tries to be as 'intuitive' as possible to be relevant to the website content. But sometimes, the displayed advertisements may appear insensitive but funny at the same time. Below are real screen shots of advertisements displayed on some popular websites.

[Click on image to enlarge the picture]

Regular patrons get to watch but not touch naked dancers

BESIDES drinks and music, nude dancers are keeping the night hot at some so-called elite clubs in the city, Harian Metro reported.

However, the nightspot operators provide the erotic fare for just their regular patrons; allowing them to watch but not touch the naked dancers.

A regular club-hopper came to the paper’s office to show a performance that he had recorded on a phone-camera at a nightspot in Cheras.

He claimed that these dancers are featured only on certain nights and would perform between 9pm and midnight. The nude shows would last for just 15 minutes or for the duration of three songs.

“The club charges RM110 per patron, who will be ushered into a VIP room that also has a karaoke system and a bar.”

He said he also knew of a similar club in Hartamas.

However, he added, this club was more strict in the sense that patrons had to first surrender their phones with camera features or any recording device prior to the performance.

He said the Hartamas club charges its clients RM150 to RM350 each to watch the show, where the dancers perform in glass cubicles between 7pm and 10pm on selected nights.

Bouncers manning the entrance would first screen the patrons, denying entry to newcomers and non-familiar faces.

> Kosmo! reported that a man, who claims to be a herbalpathy practitioner and could perform non-anaesthetic surgery, is drawing hoards of patients to his clinic in Kota Kemuning, Selangor.

To check on the claim, a Kosmo! reporter visited the doctor with complaints of a stomach ailment.

He told her that there was a growth in her stomach that has to be removed, adding that he could do the surgery for RM500.

The doctor, known only as Man, claimed that he had done numerous surgeries with only the use of a razor blade and without any anaesthesia.

When the Kosmo! reporter visited the clinic, it was packed with patients who were seeking treatment for various ailments, including heart problems and tumour growth. It is learnt that depending on the ailments, Man charges anything from RM350 to thousands of ringgit per patient.

To verify Man’s claim that she had a tumour, the reporter went to a private hospital where two ultrasound tests were carried out. The doctor gave her a clean bill of health.

Source: The Star Online

Kidnappers bungle and free victim before taking ransom

PENANG: A group of kidnappers bungled big time when they released a 16-year-old schoolboy in Sungai Petani before their accomplices could pick up the RM50,000 ransom on the island.

Now, they don't have the money and poilce are hot on their trail.

At least three kidnappers abducted the Form Four student while he was waiting for his school bus outside his house in Jalan Besi here about 7am last Wednesday.

He was bundled into a car and driven to Sungai Petani.

His businessman father, in his 50s, received a phone call asking for a ransom of RM200,000 for the release of his son.

The businessman managed to persuade the kidnapper to lower the ransom to RM50,000. A drop-off point and time were agreed upon after he was warned not to alert the police about the matter.

While waiting for the kidnappers to turn up at about 9pm, the father received a call from his son telling him he was safe in Sungai Petani.

The boy had approached a passer-by and told him what had occurred.

He was then taken to a nearby police station where he waited for his parents to bring him home.

Police believe the kidnappers had failed to coordinate among themselves and the boy was released before the ransom was collected.

George Town OCPD Asst Comm Azam Abd Hamid, who confirmed the incident, said police were now closing in on the kidnappers.

Source: The Star Online

Interview Bola (Football Commentary) - Ah-Ha Funny Skits

A really funny skits from the Ah-Ha team. In this video clip, the Ah-Ha team pokes fun on football commentary/interview cliche.



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Ah Beng Secret Affair

"Hello?"

"Hi honey.


This is Daddy.


Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy.

She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ah Beng."

After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Ah Beng."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."


Brief Pause.


"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.


"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"


"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"


"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."



***Long Pause***




Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

How Harry Potter Ends by The Malay Male ( Amir Hafizi)

FM warning: Funny yet R(aunchy)-Rated entry from The Malay Male ( Amir Hafizi), he wrote:

Excerpts:

"This is how it should REALLY end.

DOBBY: Dobby fuck Hermione up the ass, ermmm?

HERMIONE: Yes, Dobby. Fuck me, fuck me now! AH! AH! AH!

RON: Harry, what are you doing with that dead owl?

HARRY: Well, Dumbledore's dead, and so is Hedgwig or Hedwig. Whatever. So I'm fucking gay and since I can't get to Dumbledore's dead dick, I'm going to stuff Hedwig's carcass up my ass.

RON: Cor! Blimey!

HARRY: Ummpph. Ahhh. Ummphhh. See how tight my ass is! Ummmpphh.

RON: Cor! Blimey! That looks so smashing, Harry! I'm fucking gay too, and I'm getting horny from all this shit.

Ginny, Fred and George Weasley, Luna Lovegood and a hot bitch enters the scene.

GINNY: Don't worry, brother dear, you can join my bukkake party.

RON: Cor! Blimey! Who the fuck is that hot bitch?

LUNA: I'm Luna Lovegood. Looney and love your dick very good.

RON: I know who you are, you blonde bitch. WHo the fuck is the other one?

IVANA: I am exchange student, yes? Ivana Humpalot.

RON: I'm...sorry?

IVANA: I-van-a Hump-a-lot.

FRED AND GEORGE: Okay, let's get this bukkake party on the road. I've wanted to fuck my twin brother from day one. And you too, little brother. Cause I'm so fucking gay." Read further...

Beaten up over a rooster

"That big and brown rooster is my favourite..."
"She held the cock and examined it saying that it was not theirs"

MALACCA: Six men assaulted a 60-year-old factory boss when he tried to stop them from taking away his pet rooster.

Zinc pipe-making factory director Neo Ah Kausaid that the men kicked, punched and beat him up with sticks when he refused to let them take away his rooster, which he kept in the factory in Duyong where he worked.

Neo said he was in the factory with a customer when a man in his 20s approached him, looking for the owner around noon on Saturday.

“There had been several thefts in this area so as a precautionary measure, I said the owner was not around,” said Neo when met at the Malacca Hospital yesterday.

He said the man then left. However, when Neo went back to speak to his customer, the man suddenly rushed into the factory and grabbed one of Neo’s pet roosters nearby.

“That big and brown rooster is my favourite and I rushed to stop him from taking it,” said Neo.

He said a struggle ensured and suddenly, six men appeared and attacked him with sticks.

The customer fled when he saw the attack.

Neo, who tried to fight back, said he was held back by the assailants and repeatedly beaten until a woman rushed towards the attackers, telling them to stop the beating.

“She held the cock and examined it saying that it was not theirs.

“Then all of them just left without even apologising or helping me. They got into a car and on a motorcycle,” said Neo.

He said he recognised the man who had approached him as his neighbour, and that the woman who appeared later was the man’s mother.

Neo later lodged a report at the Melaka Tengah police station.

Source: The Star Online

Funny Chinese Names

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu

Funny final exam answers from one of the university in Malaysia

A friend of FM emailed the following funny pictures. According to him, it is a final exam answers from one of our local University (the name of the university shall remain anonymous).

Please click on the images to enlarge the pictures

Malaysians show ugly side during rush for Book 7: Harry Potter

PETALING JAYA: Nothing can stop a diehard fan. He woke up as early as anyone else to get his hands on the latest Harry Potter book, but disabled Melvin Tong in his stroller had to endure the ugly side of Malaysians when the Borders bookstore here opened its shutters.

With the crowd outside not organised in queues, Melvin, 22, had to fight off shoving and pushing fans trying to get to the front of the line.

As soon as the shutters opened at 7.01am, the crowd surged under the shutters “commando” style with some parents egging their children on.

The lack of courtesy led to yelling and threats. The management finally let Melvin in with intervention from an anonymous bystander.

Melvin, his twin brother Kelvin and friend Goh Kel Li had waited in line since 5.30am but only got the book at 7.45am. They even had to catch a cab when their car broke down on their way to the bookstore.

Despite the earlier drama, Melvin good-naturedly posed for the cameras and granted a short interview.

“I’m a huge fan of Harry Potter and I hope that J.K. Rowling would have a Book 8, but I guess that all good things must come to an end,” said Melvin, whose favourite character is Harry.

“My favourite characters are Fred and George Weasley because we have something in common; we’re all twins!” quipped his twin brother Kelvin.

Borders general manager Janice Yong said:

“Many people came to buy their Book 7 here because of the little community environment. It’s the Harry Potter experience,” adding that this meant many fans would come dressed in robes, Dementor costumes and Hogwarts school uniforms.

Meanwhile at the Kinokuniya Bookstore in Suria KLCC, the rush for free copies of the book for the first 13 people too turned nasty as people discovered even more hardcore fans ahead of them.

“The main entrance of KLCC only opens at 5.15AM and when we went in, we were shocked to find 10 people already ahead. Somehow, by some miracle they had managed to get in earlier. I don’t think it’s fair,” said New Sin Yew, 20.

Source: The Star Online

Blogging Perils by IcyQueenGoddess

IcyQueenGoddess wrote:

Excerpts:

"Gmail greeted me with four highlighted lines of text signalling that I have four new emails in my Inbox and my eyes almost popped out from my head.

You know how Gmail always displays a little bit of the first part of your emails? I had a short preview of what was in store for me and it wasn't good. At all.

I mean, emails with the subject of "C*BAI SL*T I F*CK U" ain't whoring donations for charity right?

The sender called himself "F*CK KENNYSIA" with the catchy email address of kennysiapuk*makc*bai@gmail.com

Amidst all his derogatory and abusive remarks, this pakcik actually threathened to kidnap me together with his friends and gangrape me.

So I did what I normally would do in this situation.

...


So it was with some trepidation that I decided to report his sorry arse to the police.

I didn't know what to expect.

It was to my absolute surprise and delight when the police called me to inform me that they have tracked down someone in Penang that they are in the middle of interogating and whether or not I would want to press charges.

I asked them for a little bit of time to think about it.

Turned out that the emails were some prank from a bunch of pre-adult college kids who had stayed up all night doing God-knows-what, and then out of pure boredom, had decided that it was a good idea to send me those extremely dodgy emails skanking me and Kenny.

Apparently it doesn't matter who came out with the original plan or how many people were in on it. If you are dumb enough to allow all manner of crap to be executed from your own personal computer in your very own house, YOU will be the one that's going down." Read further...

Fowl Surprise: Three Legs Rooster

FOWL SURPRISE: Chicken trader Shaharnizam Abdul Rahman (right), 32, got the shock of his life when he discovered that a rooster he was about to slaughter had three legs. He had bought the 2.5kg rooster among 30 chickens from a farmer in Guar Chempedak six months ago for rearing. When he caught the rooster to slaughter last week, he realised that it had a third leg, which was the same size as the other two. “I was offered up to RM800 to part with the rooster but decided against it. I consider it a gift from God,” he said, while his friend, Mohd Zaudi Mohd Hashim, looked on. — NST picture by Rahmat Othman.

Source: The New Straits Times

Confusing Phone Conversation - Ah Beng Joke

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It is urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone, but what is this urgent matter about?

Caller: @#$… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! What is your name?

Operator: I am Saw Lee (sorry)!

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

Sex customer taken for a RM900 ride

KOTA KINABALU: A 51-year-old man paid more than he bargained for when he picked up a prostitute for the night on Tuesday.

Apart from paying RM120 for sexual services, he ended up losing RM900 that was apparently taken out from his wallet by a “third party” who was hiding under the bed at a lodging house in Kg Air.

While he fell asleep, the “third person” took the money from the wallet in his pants, which was on the floor, and slipped out of the room.

The man, who reported the incident on Wednesday, claimed that he only realised the money was missing when he went to have breakfast at a coffeeshop the next morning.

He rushed back to the room but the woman had also disappeared.

Kota Kinabalu City police chief Asst Comm Ku Chin Wah said police believe that a third party was involved because a similar case was reported last week.

He said there could be other cases which the victims did not report.

Source: The Star Online

Malaysian drivers based on location

FM received this funny email from a friend in KL.

Malaysian drivers and where their from:

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: IPOH driver

2. One hand on wheel, one hand out the window with cigarette: KEPONG driver.

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: DOWNTOWN KUALA LUMPUR driver.

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on parang (a type of knife), foot solidly on accelerator: JOHOR driver.

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, hands-free on the lap: BANGSAR driver.

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: FOREIGNER, driving in MALAYSIA.

7. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, talking on cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SUBANG JAYA DRIVER.....on the Federal Highway!!!

8. One hand on wheel, one hand on passengers head rest, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing rambutans or durian shells out the window: KARAK HIGHWAY ; KUANTAN driver.

9. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, READY-TO-KILL attitude, rear window stickers read "Make my day", beer cans on floor, wedding ribbon still attached to antenna: CONSTRUCTION SITE....PUCHONG driver!

10.One hand on the handphone, another hand picking nose, One leg on the dash board, another leg crossed on the seat with a beer can in the middle ~ turning anywhere he likes, parking anywhere he likes, in fact, driving anywhere he likes. aaahhh..... this is a heaven for drivers......welcome to PENANG!

11. Two hands gripping tightly to the wheel, eyes glued to the windscreen, alternately stepping on the accelerator and brakes every 5 seconds. WOMAN DRIVERS ANYWHERE!

Be careful on your next trip to the Highway. Check out this truly hilarious video clip. Very funny and suspenseful with the soundtrack.

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Don't Press the RED BUTTON

What ever you do

DON'T PRESS THE RED BUTTON

I know it is very tempting, but for the love of God, don't do it.